My birthday is New Year’s Eve. (Yes Simone, Happy Birthday to Me!) In my adult life, for as long as I can remember, at the end of the year I look back to see what I learned from my trip around the sun. The way it works is, I try to identify (objectively) any repeating patterns that didn’t work from the year before, and shift them in the coming year.

I kind of liken this year-in-review process to the movie Defending Your Life. If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it. The plot sort of goes like this: Albert Brooks, the main character, dies suddenly in a car accident and is sent to Judgement City. Judgement City is a “court” where he is assigned a defense attorney whose job it is to help him ascend through analyzing his life. The movie’s tension is represented by the prosecuting attorney whose goal it is to only allow the ascension of only the most advanced souls. The movie’s premise is simply this, face your fears, learn from your mistakes, or be sent back to Earth to try again. Interesting, right?

The movie was released in the early 90s, and I’m not exactly sure when I saw nor if it influenced my yearly review ritual, or confirmed it, but it is one of my favorite things about the month of December. If I were asked, I don’t think I could chronicle each year’s lesson the same way I could list the winners of American Idol or So You Think You Could Dance (though I always forget Taylor Hicks…and truthfully, I’m not the only one!), but the yearly lesson that I always remember, without fail, is the one I learned in my early 30s.

I remember it so well because I was sitting on a beach in Miami with a drink in my hand, wondering what I’d learned that year. And then, it hit me. My realization that year was: Sometimes, I lie to myself.

“Really?” I remember thinking. “That’s it? That’s your realization this year? C’mon!”

The realization that I was less than internally honest was like a lightning bolt. At first, I tried to dismiss it because I didn’t want to believe it. Although “sometimes I lie to myself” is exceedingly pithy, it wasn’t the usual upbeat, perky realization I had become accustomed to learning about myself each year. More than anything, I simply didn’t like thinking (or knowing) that about myself. I remember struggling with the decision of whether or not I would share my “news” as I had done in years past.

Did people already know this about me? Had they attended a meeting where my character flaw had been discussed at length? Had I been “written off” because of it? Did anyone else know this about themselves? If I told someone, how would they react? Would they snort, “Yeah? I already knew that! I was wondering when you’d figure it out!” These were just some of the thoughts that flooded my mind.

Over the years, I’ve shared this realization so many times, that the initial “charge” is gone, and I have even been able to laugh at myself. I’ve also noticed how sharing it with others has given them space to examine their own internally-driven epic battles of truth.

It seem as if my purpose for revealing the backstory about that particular realization is because this year’s realization feels vaguely similar. When it occurred to me, I didn’t really like it. I argued with myself with whether the observation was valid, accurate, or important. I wrestled with whether I would share it or not. Obviously, after approximately 600 words of “set up,” I’m going to tell you. So…here goes. You ready?

My realization for my 43rd year at life is: Sometimes, I’m not very nice.

There, I’ve said it. It’s kind of a relief. What I mean is, sometimes I’m not very tolerant of others (or myself). I have an expectation of what should happen, and if it doesn’t happen, I shut down. Now that I’ve noticed it, and communicated it to the world, literally, what comes next are wonderful opportunities to transform this characteristic in myself (and others)! Well…here we go! Watch out 2010, here comes Mr. Nice Guy! Happy New Year!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!!!