First Day:

Last Thursday A New Fearless You finally arrives.  I thought it would be a perfect day.  The culmination of all of our work.  It wasn’t.  I love the cover.  So far, so good.  Then, I thumb through the book.  Pow and double pow-it was too much to take in.  We had added a color to the usual black text in the book and, may I add, a very bright color.  I didn’t think it would be quite this loud. The print is larger than I thought. And, I realize people can just read the charts, the Ahas, and the Keys to get an overall picture of the book.  What if they don’t take the time to read our book?  All our work down the tubes. You name it; I thought it.

I almost felt hollow inside.  I remembered this feeling and it is not a good one.  I need other people’s approval before I can take a sigh of relief.   I used to feel this way when I started going to see my counselor.  I hadn’t felt “hollow” –this no sense of self- for a long while. I was a Mother May I player- at this moment- turning my power over to others.

When do we play games like Mother May I?  When our behavior is infused with fear.  No question about it, I definitely qualified to play this game at this time.
You may know the feeling.   You start seeking other people’s stamp of approval.  And if you get it, you feel accepted and appreciated.  Otherwise, you feel unaccepted and unappreciated.  In truth, you hide from a sense of rejection and seek support of others.

Then I say to calm myself down.  “Okay, I have my spiritual study group. Let’s see what they say when they open the book.” I was waiting.  They liked it.  In fact, they loved it.  Breathing better.  Then, they ask me read the first chapter aloud.  I read, I feel myself going back in my body.  A sense of self is returning and then I see the mistake.  The word Face is capitalized in the middle of a sentence.  Quickly, I check- it is like that throughout the book.  All our proofreading and editing was for naught. I could explain how it happened and how it isn’t my fault, but the bottom line is I didn’t catch it.  Not fun to admit.

The Second Day:

The next day comes and I look at the book again.  Is this the same book? It looks great. The orange makes the book pop and now it looks so reader-friendly. I am beginning to have the ability to laugh at myself.   I have to admit it is absolutely amazing how the book changed in 24 hours.  How could that happen? I’ll tell you how- I stopped playing Mother May I.

So… the story is still not over.  I may have moved pass my first shock but I still had to deal with the word Face capitalized all through out the book.  More about that  next week’s blog when I talk about how I became a Puzzle Player- someone who strives for perfection.

Until then,

Evonne Weinhaus

Hi,  it’s Mariane.

When I feel the flow of abundance, it is sprinkled with love, joy and gratitude.  How wonderful it is to continually create an abundance of time to enjoy this precious banquet called life.  I didn’t always feel this way!

With each year that passes, because of all the Love choices I make, I am being restored to my original innocence; the time before conditioning.

What do I mean by conditioning?  It is all the information you were told and took in, that was not in harmony with your true nature – which is Love.

April is my birthday month and I would like to give you each a gift.  It is what brings me happiness no matter what is going on outside me.

Life is filled with choices. Choose only Love!

It is my joy to live abundantly.  I receive all the help I need from all the helpers I meet along the way, each of them teaching me more and more about my Self. What an adventure!

Knowing and truly loving me as I am, is the most valuable gift I give myself and others every day.  You have the power to do the same for yourself and others.

Love & Blessings,  Mariane.