“You know what? Writing about fun this month has been quite a lot of work!” he chuckles to himself. “Why ever did I pick the longest month of the year—August—to write a weekly blog about creating a breakthrough in fun?! I mean, how much can you write about fun, really? And, when does fun stop being fun and become work? Hmm…ummm….right about….now.”

Or does it?

A few weeks ago, I was feeling like there was so much work on my plate that there was no time for fun. Now, even though I really enjoy every aspect of my life and all the things I do everyday, I was beginning to notice a growing sense of dread because there didn’t seem to be any downtime, “veg out” time, and there certainly wasn’t time for anything spontaneous. In short, I was starting to feel a little bummed out.

When I take an objective look at my life, it seems full to the brim with stuff to do. Each day, I wake up and there are a million tasks that run through my mind. However, somewhere between the time I get up and the time I reach my desk, that list has turned into mush making it difficult to access the beautiful ideas roaming the halls of my brain during those first few glorious morning moments. So, what happens usually? I find myself going into my usual mode of attacking items on the list, from most to least pressing…a difficult job, indeed. That doesn’t sound fun at all, does it?

However, there are usually several moments during the day that I suddenly STOP and REALIZE that, I have EXACTLY THE LIFE I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED! My day—from the moment I wake up—is filled with exactly those items that I said were important to me. Suddenly, I am reminded that approximately 10 years ago, when I left my highly stressful job in corporate America (for the first time), in a conversation with my friend Wendy Watson-Hallowell, I decided that my “work day” would begin when I woke up, walked into the kitchen, and made a pot of coffee. I decided that I wouldn’t wear a tie or a suit again, unless I wanted. And, most importantly, I decided that my work would be my own invention, and not anyone else’s.

Consider this, those of you who are committed to mastering this thing we call life: A Master is someone who does not make a clear distinction between work and play. To master life means defining yourself by your own terms. Masterful living requires mindfulness that everything in life (even those things that you say you don’t like) are there because…WAIT FOR IT…you chose them. Now, as soon as you get that you chose them, you’re choosing them, and you will always choose them, suddenly you realize that it us up to you to decide how to interpret your choices. And, I don’t know about you, but realizing that I’m the chooser is absolutely FUN! Because that means if I’m not having fun, I have the undeniable right to choose again! So, choose on Chooser! And remember: Choosy moms choose Jif. Ok, that may not make any sense at all, but at least it made you smile, didn’t it?! And, now the title makes sense. Yeah…FUN!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!

Recently, I was asked some questions for a magazine article.  At the time, I didn’t think that much of it; it is now three weeks later and I’m still thinking about it.  With that said, I’d like to share my answers and invite you to answers these questions for yourself.

What got you started in your profession?

Ignorance and guts.  When I co-authored Stop Struggling with Your Teen, I thought the hard work was over.  At first, I thought the goal was to get our books in the book store.  Thirty days later, I realized the goal was to get the books out of the book store.

I always wanted to be a famous author but I never dreamed I’d grow up to be a stalker.    I was a guest on T.V. shows such as Today Show, Oprah, Good Morning America etc.  But if the truth be known, the shows did not track me down because my co-author and I wrote an award- winning book, or that I’d be a compelling guest or even that our publisher waved a magic wand.   The truth: I tracked them down.

What is your most memorable moment in life? I was taking a writing class on-line and the assignment was to write four times a day for 15 minutes minimum.  I was watching an old movie, Field of Dreams and realized I had one more 15 minute segments to write.  I put the TV on pause and started writing.

Somehow, some way, I wrote the word, “Hide” and then, automatically, wrote the word, “Seek”.  At the time, I didn’t realize that moment would be life-changing.  I just knew it was a wonderful and strange experience.

That childhood game –Hide and Seek- demonstrated how many grown-ups start playing childhood games to run from our fear.  How do we do it?  We play Hide and Seek.   In general terms, we hide from fear and seek the opposite.  Simple example, we hide from old age and seek youth.  A more specific example- we hide from failure by seeking its opposite- achievement.

What are your hobbies?

After brain surgery, I finally have an appreciation of nature, something that my friends are still trying to get used to.  So my first hobby, I would say is walking in Creve Coeur Park or another place I feel surrounded by nature.

I like to work out with weights, read and travel.

I love that I have added the component of spirituality in my life and discover ways to bring “spirituality down to earth”.  Our book, “A New Fearless you” would be one way that my hobbies, my career, and my life all intersect.

Confession time:  It may sound cheesy, but I adore TV programs such as So You Think You Can Dance” and “The Biggest Loser”. I love to observe and be part of transformations!!

As I look over my answers, I realize that these questions may be different, but they have something in common.  In all these instances, I am living fully, and having fun, be it working or playing.  There is no distinction.

Until next week,

Evonne Weinhaus

The Beach Boys shared a song with the world about Good Vibrations.  The song pertains to a girl that gives off good vibrations that made him aware or notice the difference between good and bad vibrations. I like the song one because it is fun  it also carries a deeper meaning.  Just as he noticed his feelings when the girl was around him we can take a moment and notice when we are picking up good vibrations from people or if people are picking them up from us.  (Here is the link just for fun) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cY4_g7wNK8Q

“It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world. That should be our goal.”  — Dalai Lama

Sometimes we just need a little adjustment to our attitude and perspective approach each day.  By exercising this opportunity it can create a major difference in our appreciation of life. On the surface, nothing changes. At the same time, absolutely everything does.

One way to adjust our attitude is to be grateful.  Gratefulness allows us to create happiness and gives us the ability to see life’s purpose.

Well as you know all our lives we look for balance whether we are consciously looking or unconsciously looking.  We don’t stay in balance for very long. But what determines our happiness or peacefulness is our desire to seek balance.  When we stop seeking balance we experience the chaos of ourselves and the chaos in others. 

What we begin to notice is the “lack” of something.  The Law of attraction tells us to not focus and define our lack but to be grateful for what you have similar to focusing on what is more effective, when you focus on the abundance in your life, you automatically move yourself out of the lack mentality and thereby create a higher energy vibration, aka happiness. 

 When you focus instead on what is WRONG, or what you are not happy about, you will be putting yourself into a lack mentality and thereby you will be lowering your energy vibration aka: sadness.

As an alternative, when you find yourself dwelling on everything that is wrong, try instead to focus on what you are grateful for and you will automatically find yourself raising your vibration.

Sometimes that is easier said than done, but if you can start to notice the times when you are thinking about things in a negative way, and cause yourself to instead focus on something that you are grateful for you will begin to find it easier to think about the things that are good in your life!

When you realize that the beauty and joy surrounding you is inside of you as well, you are able to experience life in a whole new way. You are able to start living much more in the flow of your life. Once you begin experiencing life from that place of wonder, and connecting to the positive, your energy simply vibrates at a much higher level also known as Good Vibrations.  When you focus your attention on the positive you are happier and healthier and you find yourself handling everyday issues with more ease.

Use your awareness or your imagination to bring happiness to this moment. Find something to appreciate or be grateful for even if it is a penny you find on the ground outside the supermarket. Do this as often as you remember to do so and your world will transform.

” … we can no longer afford to throw away even one ‘unimportant’ day by not noticing the wonder of it all. We have to be willing to discover and then appreciate the authentic moments of happiness available to all of us every day.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

Tammie Renfro

I am a caring, compassionate, loving woman.

I was just recently asked to write an article about parenting teens.  Me? I don’t think so.  I have plenty of my own parenting issues to deal with.   I just  figured I’d say no.

Then, Cindy, my co-author of A New Fearless You, says matter-of-factly, “We need to combine your old book, Stop Struggling with Your Teen with A New Fearless You.  Let me be the first to say, I never ever thought of integrating my old book (or life) with my new book (or life).

“Oh,” I say, and with that simple response, I could feel a subtle shift in my body.  I say to myself,  “This could be fun.  I want to create a movement where people have some deep and meaningful AHAS:”

1^st Aha: People never outgrow playing childhood games. When life becomes stressful, when fear paralyzes them, they revert to old behavior and still play familiar games like Hide and Seek.  The only difference?  The playing field is bigger- it’s the whole world around us.

2nd AHA: We play Hide and Seek by hiding from our fears and seeking answers outside ourselves.  How do we do that?  Simple.  We hide from our fears by seeking its polar opposite.  You want a specific example.  Many of us hide from the feeling of rejection by seeking approval from others, all the time, at all costs.

Well, it’s about four days later and I learned what I should of, could of, realized all along: Parents of teenagers are very good at playing Hide and Seek. Yes, they hide from fear and seek to make their teenagers change.  They play all the different games:

1. They play Simon Says- Trying to control their teenagers by telling them what to do.
2. They play Mother May I- they do what their teenagers want instead of listening to themselves.
3. They become puzzle-solvers- they use the facts, the tasks, and the assignments to shield themselves from dealing with their teenagers and their emotions head-on…
4. They play Tag- they move here today and there tomorrow-going with a new parenting approach, hoping to find the magic bullet.

Yes, parents of teenagers may want their goals and dreams to drive their behavior, but they sabotage themselves and their relationships with their teens. Unbeknownst to them, FEAR is driving their behavior.  They rob themselves of all their energy by trying to outrun their fear and over-control their teen’s life or they swing the other way and give up too much of their control.

With Fearless Parenting, they learn how to develop that healthy balance between turning over responsibility to the teen and taking a stand on the part of the problem that directly affects their life.  Stay tuned.  I’m with you on this one.  Let’s see what happens next.

Until next week,

Evonne Weinhaus

Have you ever wondered what makes work, work as opposed to what makes fun, fun? For sure I have often wondered. For me, however, the differences between work and fun are often blurry—or the distinguishing lines move so often it’s difficult to assess where they lie. So, let’s take a look…

Most people distinguish “work” as those activities that take them away from the things they love. Each day, they get out of bed and head into the workplace to toil away at a set of activities so that they have money to pay for the things they want or need. If you ask most people if they would describe their work day as fun, you would probably hear a resounding, “NO!”

At the end of the day, they fight traffic, pick up kids, cook dinner, clean up the house, yell so that homework gets finished, shuttle children back and forth from all of their activities just in time to collapse into bed so the process can begin all over again. On the weekends, they spend a majority of the time doing household chores or running errands…you know, the things they couldn’t do during the week because there’s so much work to do! Maybe, just maybe, on Sunday they spend a few hours doing something fun so they feel as if they have somehow re-created and recharged their batteries. And, what do you hear from them first thing on Monday morning?

…except the irony is that the above scene repeats itself again and again. What ever happened to fun? Well, there’s just no time for it! THERE’S NO TIME!

Wait a minute! What if that’s not true at all? What if somehow you simply took on somebody else’s expectations about your life and have toiled away needlessly at something you just don’t enjoy? What if there are opportunities for fun that you pass over each and every day because you feel you can’t afford them or that you somehow don’t deserve them?

So, this week, take the time to notice the fun hidden in your day. Let’s play a game? Do you wanna? I know you do! Each morning make a declaration about creating fun for yourself, your family, your co-workers and post it here. At the end of the week, the person who created the most outrageous fun, wins! Ready? Go!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!

Did Terry, the woman who I have been writing about in the previous couple of blogs, have fun when she took her first cooking class or belly dancing class?  Probably not.  Why do I say that?  My guess is at first she was probably just going through the motions; just getting herself moving was probably no small feat. So… What does it take to have fun?

Here is a secret you may not be aware of.  The activity, or the vacation spot, even the people you surround yourself with are not the key factors.  What am I talking about?  Remember, these are external factors.  What’s important is your feelings that springs from your thoughts that are going on inside of you.

When Cindy, my co-author and I first started working together, we were trying to come up with the “so called promise” of our book, A New Fearless You: Freedom from Hide and Seek and Other Games Grown-Ups Play. For the few months we thought seeking happiness was the answer.  Why not!

Cindy decides to take the bull by the horn and define different ways people can be happy by having fun.  She sends me a list of “fun activities” to help people feel happy ranging from taking a bubble bath to you name it.

I remember taking a deep sigh and saying quite emphatically, “Don’t you get it, Cindy? These are external activities.  Someone can be utterly miserable as they just go through the motions.  Fun is determined by what is going on inside of us.”

Cindy got quiet for a moment and then managed to say “Oh, I have lots and lots of learning ahead of me.” (Just for your information- At that time, “journey” was a foreign word in Cindy’s vocabulary.  Now she will be the first to tell you that she traveled quite a journey.)

I want to use some lingo for a moment to help make the point quite clear.  As kids would say,

It is the “vibe” between you and your activity or with other people that is the key to having fun-not just the activity or the people you surround yourself with.

Remember, the activity is second. First is the vibe you are experiencing.

Here are some questions you may want to consider:

Are you fully engaged in the moment?

Are you feeling emotionally connected to what you are doing?

Is your mind wandering back to the past or worried about the future?

What about you?  How do you describe fun?  Can you quickly remember some times you had fun.  Were there some common similarities?  Would love to hear from you.

Until next week,

Evonne Weinhaus

As we begin August’s topic: Breakthrough in Having Fun, I am immediately reminded of Joan Bouise. Joanie, as we called her, a beautiful Creole woman from NAW-lins is my dear friend and soulful jazz singer who died nearly 10 years ago after a struggle with cancer. (Pictured left on the cd cover of her last recording before she died–I know it’s not the best picture, but Joan is in the bottom row wearing the white shirt with the long curly hair.)

We were fast and inseparable friends when we both lived in New York in the mid-90s. At that time in my life, I often felt conflicted about what I wanted to do and what I felt I had to do. This conflict wasn’t limited to just things work-related things but could also include fun things, too.

Because I travelled often, Joanie would stay in my spacious condo to care for my cats as a sort of vacation from her small studio apartment. As a way to repay her, I was in charge of setting up fun things to do around the city because she didn’t have the disposable income that I had at the time. However, on the weekends when we were supposed to go to the movies, to a play, or just hang out…I sometimes felt pressured. Usually, Joanie could hear my himming and hawing and stop me dead in my tracks…“Jaime boy…what do you want to do?”

My usual reply was, “Huh? What  do you mean what do I want to do?”

“You heard me boy, I said… WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?” with her usual sauciness.

Well, the two sides of my brain were at war with each other. I “wanted” to keep my commitment with Joanie AND I “wanted” to relax OR hang out with another friend OR go to dinner with my boyfriend OR clean my apartment OR or OR or OR. I mean the possibilities were endless. At the other end of the phone I would hear her snort, “Chile, there are only three reasons to do anything: have some fun, do some good, and make some money…in that order!”

Have some fun? Do some good? Make some money?

Sometimes, that was all I needed to make up my mind. Usually I’d laugh, “Joanie, I’m on my way to pick you up girl…let’s go have some fun!” Then, we’d go laugh our heads off in the movies, at a play, or any number of various and sundry items (inside joke that only Joanie would understand).

HAVE SOME FUN! DO SOME GOOD! MAKE SOME MONEY!

These words became a personal mantra. Whenever I find myself stuck for whatever reason, I somehow always come back to Joan’s wise words. I mean, what if our connection to making money were connected to the good that we do in the world? And, what if the good we consciously decided to create in the world were fun? If that were true, what would you have to change right now in your life? What are the aspects of your life that would suddenly transform if you lived your life from the notion of having fun, doing good, and making money?  And, as Joan always says, “...in that order chile’!”

I love you Joanie! Just looking at your picture and hearing your voice still makes me cry. I know you’re never far, but I really miss you but whenever it gets too overwhelming I can still make myself laugh the way we used to just by singing out loud Shirley’s LeFlore’s lyrics, “Put ‘Cha Haints on Me.” I miss you real, real hard!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!