Have you ever thought about how you really want to show up for the holidays?  Would you like to arrive feeling calm, happy, and energized or stressed and overwhelmed?  How are you going to decide who to be?  If it feels like it’s impossible to put aside to-do lists and actually relax during the holiday season, take a minute to rethink the possibilities. What would it be like if you actually went thru this holiday season feeling grateful and at ease?  As much as we all love this time of year, it often brings stress.  Decide how you want to show up for the holidays this year and use these simple ideas to reduce stress, add more holiday joy, and show up on your terms. 

 1) Visualize Your Perfect Holiday Season
Have you ever stopped to really think about and visualize what you want your holiday to look and feel like?  Visualizing what you want is the first step to creating the perfect moments and memories.  Take a minute to sit down and listen to your favorite music or look at holiday lights and just write down for 5 minutes what you want in as much detail as possible.

2) Get Clear on Your Priorities

It’s so easy to feel like the Holiday Season is a huge list of “ I Have To’s”.  Don’t give in this year!  If you have completed step one, take your vision and really think about what is important to me this year?  Is it spending time with your children or relatives?  Is it giving to others?  Is it just making sure you relax and enjoy the time?  Once you have your three to five priorities, write them down and put them in a place you look at often.  Now, anytime a new activity or request comes up, check and see if it is on your priority list before you commit.

 3) Yes, You Can Say No

So, what do you do when you were just asked to have another party for friends and it just doesn’t fit into your schedule or priorities?  It can feel impossible to say no when you feel like others are depending on you or you may hurt people’s feelings.  For starters, always give yourself time to think about your decision.  When people make requests, let them know you’ll get back to them.  It’s very important for you to make decisions that are in line with your values and priorities.  When you do that, you will feel the best about your decision.  When you do say no, try to keep it simple, focus on the positive, and stand firm in your decision.  Get help from a supportive friend and role play your response if you need to.  

 4) Find a Way to De-Stress

With all of the extra holiday activities it may feel impossible to keep up your normal exercise or healthy habits.  Make as much time as you can, even if it’s in smaller increments.  If you have 1 minute you may sit in place and take a few deep breaths followed by some shoulder rolls.   If you have 5 minutes, you may try some simple stretches at your home or office.  If you have 20 minutes or more, go for a walk or pick a cardio activity that gets your heart pumping.  This too will release natural endorphins and leave you feeling great!

 5) Create More Time

There never seems to be enough time to get everything done.  Create more time for yourself by using these ideas.  Ask yourself each day, “ Is there anything I can get more help with?”  Perhaps hiring cleaning help for the month or asking your kids or spouse to chip in, you will create small windows of time.  Make a plan each night and pick your actions wisely.  When is the best time for you to do certain activities?  Do you work best in the morning or evening?  Carefully select which tasks to do at your best and worst hours.  

 6) Be Present in the Moment

When you decide to live your holiday vision, make sure you are present in the moment.  It’s very easy to get swayed into thinking about your to-do list or other concerns.  Not only can others tell you’re not fully present with them, but it will diminish your holiday memories.  What use is it to just go thru the motions?   Make a promise to yourself to stay in each moment and keep your ultimate vision you created in step one in front of you.

 By using these steps, you will show up for the holidays in a way you envisioned.  Enjoy this precious time with friends and family and the holiday moments and new memories you create.

To be completely honest, I am thankful that we have all finally survived the month of October. I don’t know about you, but the last 31 days have been one hell of a roller-coaster ride! From beginning to end, I felt as if I had been tossed upside down, hither and yon with no clue as to if I was closer to the beginning, middle, or end of the ride. Last year, when I programmed the topics, I had no idea how amazingly accurate they would be; or simply did I live into my own creation? In any case, as I look back at each month, I can easily see my growth and development. Let’s take a look back at some of my personal favorites and highlights…

January: Breakthrough in Letting Go of Old Patterns
I completely redesigned who I was, and what I wanted.
Highlight: Here’s What I’ve Noticed So Far.

February: Breakthrough in Loving Relationships
I reconnected with my son, and began to identify what love really meant to me.
Highlight: Blogcast Episode 5 – with guest co-host Evonne Weinhaus and roundtable guest Barbara Klein as she learns how to redefine her relationship with her mother.

March: Breakthrough in Leaping into Your Future
I reconnected with important relationships from the past, and found a way to articulate the future I wanted.
Highlight: Blogcast Episode 9 – with guest co-host Toni McMurphy and roundtable guest Debbie Volmert as she courageously talks about her miscarriage.

April: Breakthrough in Financial Abundance
I found myself ready to create abundant wealth, even though there were moments in which I was confused and overwhelmed.
Highlight: Blogcast Episode 16 with guest co-host Nathalie Ekobo and roundtable guest Pamela Picard as she Reinvents 64.

May: Breakthrough in Relationship with Mother
What a complete surprise this month was! I was braced for June’s topic, but I found that there were old issues between my mother and me that were surfacing in my current-day relationships.
Highlight: Blogcast Episode 20 with guest co-host Pat Jordan and roundtable guest Linda Varadachari as she breaks through her primal wounds of being adopted.

June: Breakthrough in Relationship with Father
Though I have no “real” relationship with my father, I learned how the “non-relationship” was having a dramatic impact on my life.
Highlight: Blogcast Episode 21, without a doubt, is one of my favorite episodes. In an amazingly open dialogue, guest co-host Evonne Weinhaus and roundtable guests Adam Jurotich and his father, Matthew Jurotich created something unbelievably special.

July: Breakthrough in Moving from Co- to Independent Relationships
I had no idea the level of co-dependent relationships that existed in my life. Once I identified them, I began to move slowly into alignment with what I wanted.
Highlight: Blogcast Episode 25 with guest co-host Evonne Weinhaus and roundtable guest Melonie Roberts as she realizes that even though her husband was deceased, she was still in a co-dependent relationship.

August: Breakthrough in Having Fun
I thought that this would be an easy month, but instead, I found myself realizing just how bogged down my life had become. My friend Joanie used to say, “There’s only three reasons to do anything: Do some good. Have some fun. And, make some money! In that order!”
Highlight:  Blogcast Episode 28 with guest Wendy Watson-Hallowell, the co-author of Live a LIfe You Love and Make a Living Doing It.

September: Breakthrough in Appreciating Who You Are
I began to really recognize my talents, gift, and my rhythm as pretty unique and worthwhile.
Highlight: Moving and Shaking Up North.

So, here we are in November, and I am so completely grateful for these last 10 months. I am, now more than ever, more aware of the experiences I’ve had in my life, and what they mean. I can say, without hesitation, that each step has brought me closer to that which I desire. Was it always fun? Absolutely not! Am I ecstatically grateful? You betcha! Is there more to come? Undoubtedly. Am I ready for it? Game on!

As you look back over the last 10 months, for what and how are you experiencing gratitude? Are you grateful even for the roller-coaster ride? Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!

Maybe it is now time to transition from striving for perfection to striving for wholeness.

Striving for perfection as a principle is a very useful first step in our growth processes. It can provide the encouragement to focus on the positive side of reality.  It can also box you in to only seeing things happen a particular way.   Somewhere along the road, you may need to  give way to striving for wholeness. We can find meaning in the negative as well as the positive and seeing them both as necessary lessons in life.

Perfection is a mental theory, and is described or perceived to be whatever the individual’s mental perception of ‘it’ is. The pursuit of perfection comes from non-acceptance of self as worthy, as good or deserving. Seems as though it is complete opposite of its goal. A paradox within itself.

Our possible motivation for striving for perfection is the desire to replace whatever imperfections,  lack or defects you may see in yourself or in your situation. You may even go so far as to hold others accountable to the perfection theory you’re trying to live and not even realize you are doing it.

Possibly one of the most significant considerations in developing an attitude of wholeness is the understanding of both positive and negative realities.   You may find by mastering the willingness to strive for wholeness you will see your significance and appreciate yourself and those around you alot easier.

Perfection holds no room for the negative realities yet when caught up in striving for perfection you may find yourself lacking connection with yourself and others.  You may also find yourself sad, frustrated, depressed, angry, inadequate, insignificant  to name just a few of the emotions one may feel. 

We think that God has blessed us if we don’t have too many problems or troubles. We often ask, “What have I done wrong?” when things do not go the way we want.

Yet, to become ourselves in the truest and deepest sense, which of course includes facing our dark side. We must be willing to strive for wholeness, not for perfection.

Next week we will take a closer look at what Striving for Wholeness holds for you.

In the meantime,  here are some exercises:

1. What do you seek – perfection or wholeness? Examine closely and honestly your personality’s pursuit of perfection and the areas of life in which this pursuit takes place. 

2. What unconscious urgings might be behind your quest?
a. positive – Is there a fullness you are trying to share?
b. negative – Is there a hole you are trying to fill?

3. What motivates you to move forward?

Until next week!

Tammie

Part I: From a Teenager’s Perspective:  Taking Off  My Mask

This week I thought I would share with you all something a little different: An essay written by a high school senior whose teacher gave him 24 hours to change his grade from an F to D-.

Would have loved to see her face when she read this from her “failing student” !

Life, a four letter word, that holds more questions to it than Trivial Pursuit -most of those which are never answered -but only dwelled upon more and more as years pass.  Many questions friends and I would sit and ponder on for hours when I should have been thinking about the ice-cream man, are the same unanswered questions we’ll sit and try to figure out at atime when I am only a couple of months from turning eighteen.

A lot of things have changed in that time, and only one conclusion can come to mind; setting goals are the essential motivators to moving forward in life, and coming to limited realizations of our existence.

Eighth grade had to be one of the most interesting experiences of my life.  It was a year when I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was going to get it all.

It was always a dream of mine to be a veterinarian and change the animal kingdom like Martin Luther King, Jr. changed American culture in the sixties.

I knew it took an extreme amount of energy toward studies, and with that an extreme amount of self -discipline to let all distractions pass me by like a common cold or a baseball game that didn’t turn out in my favor.

One distraction I couldn’t ignore though, was a move from my mom in Detroit, Michigan to my dad in Los Angeles, California.  To say the least, values changed, ideas changed, and in whole, I changed.

Grades started to slip, and my desire to be a veterinarian still stood in the back of my mind.  Other events in my life seemed more important than that of becoming a veterinarian.   In the years between then and now, situations evolved into crises, and the holes dug by my ignorance and lack of concern have put me in a place where sometimes I feel I’m struggling to survive.

With substance abuse entering my life about one and a half years ago, soon after shifting my life again to the likes of St. Louis, Missouri, I had gotten to a point where not only had I obstructed my sense of reality, but close to blockading any change of living a life that I had dreamed of only four years and two cities ago.

Tune in next week for Part 2:

Evonne Weinhaus

Last week, my mother returned home to find her husband dead on the bathroom floor. Somehow, I happened to call her within 15 minutes of her discovery, for a completely separate reason, and within the first few words, I could hear that something was wrong but couldn’t comprehend what she was telling me. When I finally did, I didn’t really know what to feel as a valid response. Why? I didn’t know him, and had actually only seen him once at my cousin’s wedding from across the room 13 years ago. My first concern, however, was my mother’s well-being—and thankfully, family members swooped in to care for her.

As I stated, I knew very little about my mother’s husband, and the little that I did know didn’t sit well with me. Over the years, my attitude had become one of distance because that’s about all I could muster. From my perspective, he was mean, abrupt, and callous; however, he was the man she chose. When asked by friends if I planned on attending the services, my answer was an easy, “No.” An answer that made sense based not only on the fact that I didn’t know him but also because my mother planned on having a cremation service. However, at the last minute she decided on a casket funeral, which meant that I had a decision to make: Do I attend/not attend the service? I decided I would attend only out of support for my mom’s loss.

Quickly, I found out that I couldn’t simply show up because she asked me to participate in the services through a reading. “Now…that’s going a bit too far, don’t you think?” I thought. But, again, I wanted to be supportive. However, when my name was called, there wasn’t anything to read. However, since I was already standing, the minister asked me to simply say a few words. “WHAT?!” the voice inside my head screamed. “I wouldn’t have a clue of what to say.”

Finally, in the few moments that felt like an eternity, I took my place behind the podium, looked at the sparse crowd in the parlor, gazed across the room at my grieving mother, and decided the only thing I could do was simply let go of the mask and say what was true for me while keeping in line with purpose of the service.

“Did I really just say that?” I thought to myself walking back to my seat. They weren’t your typical “funeral-soaked words,” but they were honest. The reason I am able to recount what I said is, to my horror, I looked up to find that my brother had been videotaping me. (Anyone who has ever heard me talk about black funerals is probably shaking their heads as they slowly realize I had been telling the truth about them all along.)

As other people who knew him well stepped up one after the other, I heard echos of the kind of life he’d lived. One person who claimed to have known him all of his life didn’t even know that the deceased was a veteran (mask). Another person mentioned how argumentative, stubborn, and critical he was (masks). Still another person mentioned how his family had been murmuring during the services about how my mother wouldn’t inherit his estate because he hadn’t left a will (mask, mask, mask). A few mentioned that he had financial vision and business acumen, and that he was a good friend to those whom he loved (ah…the possibility of the real man showing up?).

As I sat, I reflected on the kinds of things people might say at my memorial service. I realized how we wear so many masks…and we wear different masks for different people in different and various situations. In a moment, I decided to let down my mask of indifference and really participate in the experience I was having. Suddenly, everything I observed changed (unmasked). I saw my aunt’s poise, intelligence, and kindness—qualities I rarely notice about her (unmasked). I saw my brother’s sensitivity as the tears rolled down his cheeks when he noted that there had been more years than we could count since all of my siblings were in the same room at the same time (unmasked). I saw my sister’s unwavering commitment (unmasked), the generosity of my extended family (unmasked), and my grandmother’s pride in her unruly brood (unmasked).

Finally, I saw my mother’s frailty and her love for him despite it all (unmasked). And, I could only feel love. Yes, that’s what happens when we drops the mask. All else falls away. All else falls except love.

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!

I have noticed that this past week with myself and others that the ego really struggles with being at ease with just molehills, it wants mountains.

Even if it is miserable, the ego doesn’t want to be just miserable; it wants to be extremely miserable and thinks that molehills should really be Mt Everest or Kilamanjaro!

People go on and on, creating big problems out of nothing. This week I took a good look at what I call a problem and when I really got down to the core of what I thought was the so called problem it was merely a symptom of fear.  I have not come across a real problem yet!

Is it possible all problems are bogus?  Is it possible we just create them? Because without problems we feel empty… then there is nothing to do, nothing to fight with, and nowhere to go.

I received a phone call from a friend this week and I was asked, “How are you?”  I said, “I am doing great!, How about you?” My friend couldn’t believe it, she kept probing, it was amazing I was witnessing a molehill being created out of nothing. I realized how and where I have done this in my life…..amazing breakthrough for me.  

The ego can exist only when it struggles. If I were to tell you the meaning of life is what you make it and all you had to do was be willing to smile and you will become enlightened, you probably will not believe me. You may say, ‘Smile’? There doesn’t seem to be much to that. How will I become enlightened by that? That doesn’t seem to be likely. But if I say to you, you will have to search, analyze, have pain and suffering, and probably struggle the rest of your life of course that looks more like it!

The greater the problem, the greater the challenge and with challenge your ego kicks in. Problems don’t really exist without your help in creating them.

What if I told you that there are not even molehills? Molehills are your greatest trick or treat ever. You may find yourself saying, ‘OK, there may not be mountains, but molehills?’

No, not even molehills are there, those are your creations too. First you create molehills out of nothing, then you create mountains out of molehills.

The real masters of life have been saying since the time of the Garden of Eden, ‘Please look what you are doing, what nonsense you are doing. First you create a problem, and then you go in search of a solution. Just watch why you are creating the problem, just exactly in the beginning, when you are creating the problem, the solution is just don’t create it!’ But that probably won’t be as appealing because now there is: Nothing to do? No drama? No chaos? No problem to solve? And you find yourself deeply restless, empty, trying to fill yourself with anything whatsoever.

You really don’t have any problems only this much needs to be understood. This very moment you can drop all problems because they are your creations.

Have another look at your problems: the deeper you look, the smaller they will appear. Consider looking at them and sooner than later they will start disappearing. As I looked at my so called problems this week I found there to be emptiness. Yet the emptiness that surrounded me was filled with peace, enlightenment, knowledge, understanding, and willingness to name a few.

Enlightenment is not something to be achieved it is just to be lived.—Unknown

It really is an easy decision to make.  To decide right now you are not interested in creating molehills.

All this nonsense is a game you are playing with yourself: you yourself are hiding and you yourself are seeking, you are both the parties. And you know it! Don’t make unnecessary trouble for yourself and others. Understanding will allow you if you watch how you make a problem bigger and bigger and bigger, how you spin it, and how you help the wheel to move faster and faster and faster. Then suddenly you are at the top of your misery and you are in need of the whole world’s sympathy.

So decide today if you are willing to consider not even creating a molehill? I am not even asking you to not create molehills, simply asking if you are willing to consider giving up the desire to create molehills.

Start living this moment and you will see that the more you live, the less problems there are.

Tammie Renfro

Have you ever taken a second to see where clutter is creeping into your life?  Maybe it’s very obvious by the piles of paperwork on your desk, or the mail pile overflowing.  Possibly, it’s more hidden.  It might be a mind cluttered full of worry or negative thinking.  Maybe, it’s the closet you are afraid to open because something might fall on you.  Clutter can take over our life like dandelions invading a beautiful lawn.  It masks our ability to move forward productively.  Follow these seven tips and you’ll be sure to help get your life cleaned up and decluttered.

 Step 1: What is Cluttering Your Mind?

Any time someone is trying to bring more order or organization into their life, it can be a daunting and overwhelming task.  The first step to organizing your life is to take a few deep breaths and relax.  Next think about what areas in your life feel cluttered or out of control and write down every area you would like to organize.  You may want to ask yourself a few questions.  What is cluttering your mind? What is going to give you the greatest sense of freedom?  What seems to be holding you back? 

 Step 2: Start Small

Now that you have a list of things you want to organize, circle the top three places you’d like to focus on. Now, take a look at your short list and identify your number one priority.   This is the first and only thing you are going to focus on so you don’t overwhelm yourself.  Now you’re ready for the third step.

 Step 3: Eliminate What You are Tolerating

Next, you want to eliminate what you are tolerating. Take a look at the list you wrote about what is cluttering your mind and identify what things can be thrown out or eliminated.  For example, you may begin by throwing out or giving away anything you haven’t worn or used for a year.  This will make more room for you to get organized. 

Step 4:  Spend 15 Minutes a Day

An easy way to take big steps towards organization with minimum impact on your life is to spend 15 minutes a day working towards your organization goal.  Write down a time on your calendar where you can set this time aside.  Once you’re able to keep that commitment, you may want to add a little more time for your goal. 

 Step 5:  Find a System that Works

As you bring organization to your life, find a system that fits with you.  Do you like color coding, computerizing, or do you have your own system?  Sometimes we get paralyzed when worrying how to organize, rather than just picking the system that feels right for us as individuals.  Make sure your plan includes a way to block out new clutter.  Maybe the kids start to put their clothes away before bed, or your bills get put into the appropriate file folder at the end of each bill paying session.

 Step 6: Use the Two Minute Rule

So, you’ve started to bring more organization to your life and the last thing you want to do is to add more chaos.  The solution?  The two minute rule.  Anything that comes across your desk or to-do list that takes 2 minutes or less, do it now, don’t let it pile up and create more disorder.

Step 7: Finish What You Start 

As you set out to organize your life, give yourself a deadline.  Make sure it is reasonable and within a day or week time frame.   If your goal is to start by organizing your home office, you may find it helpful to set deadlines for different parts of that project.  The desk will be completed in one week, the file organized the next week, and the computer the third week.

Now that you’ve tackled your organizational dilemma using these seven steps, repeat the process until you feel you’ve added organization into your life where you want.  You will not only feel in control, but you’ll be able to see your desk top again.

Everyone asks me how I sold so many copies of my first two books. The answer is sheer guts. You never know when you are going to meet a new client, a new friend, or an important contact. You just have to open to the possibilities at all times, to take off the blindfold or unmask your fears that potentially hold you back.

Sometimes unmasking yourself can be simple, fun and even profitable! Here’s what I’m talking about:

During a flight back to St. Louis, a stranger didn’t like his assigned seat and asked if he could take the empty seat next to me.  We began talking, and he mentioned that he was a sales rep. I knew it was meant to be that he sat next to me. I told him about what I was doing at the time-which was training sales representatives to increase their sales by using the Match and Move Method and for the rest of the flight we talked shop.  He promised to tell, his boss, Randy about me.

Fast forward a month to when his boss – Randy – actually did call. I was surprised because it started out as just a casual meeting on a plane. He invited me to lunch and began firing questions at me:

Do you do anything new in your training?

I looked him right in the eye and said,

No, I don’t.  I just add a twist.

Dead silence. And finally he said,

That’ good. There is nothing new out there and if you had said yes, this lunch would have been over immediately!

I believed him. This man was a straight shooter, who didn’t play games, who valued honesty.

We spent more time discussing my sales training approach, including my twist.  Randy liked what he heard and hired me to do a pilot program.  He appreciated what he saw later, offered me a 26-workshop contract and we sealed the deal with a handshake.

What about you?  Sometimes unmasking yourself can be fun, freeing and flow straight from your mouth. It can be effortless, not forced. It can happen in chance encounters – meeting someone on a plane, in the line at the grocery store, or at a football game. Can you think of a quick example where you unmasked your fears and just went for it? You can feel your heart smile.

Until next week,

Evonne Weinhaus

Do you feel it? Are you feeling it? The planet seems to be experiencing a major shift. I thought, at first, perhaps I was just feeling a little “off,” or “down,” or “overwhelmed.” However, as I have mentioned this “feeling” to a few others, it seems as if I’m not the only one.

The only way to describe how I’ve been feeling is the sense that I could simply walk out of the door of my life and never look back. You know…disappear. There was a sense that I had suddenly awakened out of a daze only to realize that the life I’m living belonged to someone else. To be completely honest, a few days ago this sensation caused quite a bit of fear. In fact, I wondered if I would have the courage to write about it this week; then, I suddenly realized that this “feeling” is all part of the discussion we’ve been having.

BreakThrough in Letting Go of the Mask means to let go of any sense of pretending about what is true about your experience.

I am suddenly reminded of a book written by Paulo Coelho, one of my favorite authors. In his book, El Zahir, the protagonist, who is also a famous writer, suddenly wakes up to find that his wife has disappeared. Was she kidnapped? Did she run off with a lover? Did she meet with foul play?  “What happened?” he wonders as he leaves the police station where he is questioned as a suspect in her sudden and mysterious disappearance.

When I read the book, I remember turning the pages breathlessly waiting to find out what happens to the poor guy whose wife disappeared. As the story progresses, the reader learns that through his success he had come to take her for granted and that their marriage was like “a set of railway tracks which always stay together but cease to come any closer.” How does the story end? Well, that you’ll have to read for yourself.

Perhaps the planetary shift that we’re feeling is simply trying to wake us up to cease being who we were and have the courage to “disappear” ourselves to become who we are.

My intentions for sharing my experience are: (1) If you’re feeling something similar, I want you to know you’re not alone. (2) I encourage you to carve out the the time to sit and listen to your own soul’s rhythm. (3) There comes a time in which letting go and surrendering is the only thing you can do.

Go ahead…JUST. LET. GO!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!