I wanted to share my gratitude for a simple act of kindness that happened to me over a year ago.   I had been having a very tough week and one particular day felt very down.  I went to the grocery store and didn’t feel like talking to anyone or really even being there.  Then, the light hit me.  It was the light of one person’s simple act of kindness.  When I came to the checkout counter, I was greeted with the most warm smile, peaceful mindset,and pure love.  This young woman was radiating joy in her presence.  I can’t remember what she said, or what we talked about, but it moved me.  She had no idea how her small gesture of kindness and her presence, opened me up and shifted my entire day around.  I share this story not just to give gratitude for the small things that touch us in our lives, but to remind each one of us we are all capable of making a difference and you never know who you are going to help.   Let’s give gratitude for the small things and remember our ability to impact others.  Edmund Burke, once said, “Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do little”.

This week, the only thing I have to say is: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

May your heart and home be filled with love and laughter.

Love,

Jaimes

November 12^th, 2010 at 10:30 am, I was on the stage at the Jewish Book Festival.  It was quite a moment for me, but it didn’t quite work out the way I had thought it would.  Let me explain…

For the past six to eight years I have religiously gone to the Jewish Book Festival.  At first, I wondered if I’d write a book again, then owned up to my desire- I want to write about the “Power of Hidden Agendas”, and finally starting the writing process.  At the time, I felt simultaneously overwhelmed with the process and glad I was taking some steps to start writing-not staying stuck in what felt like quicksand to me.   Once, Cindy, my co-author, came aboard, I knew we would complete “something”, but wondered if I would make it as a speaker for the Jewish Book Festival.

Truth time- I gave it my best shot.  When our book was in manuscript form, I sent a copy to the chairperson and when it was finally published, I hand-delivered our book, now called, “A New Fearless You” to her.

So to say, I was surprised when I was asked to speak would not be a true statement.  To say I was surprised how it turned out would be a true statement…

The day before, I was listening to another speaker at the festival and saying to myself, “This author is a great speaker.  I’m so glad I’m on a panel of four local authors and I just have to answer questions that Don Wolff, the moderator will be asking us.”

At 10:15 when the four panel members gathered in the so called Green Room to go over the “details”, the chairperson says each of you will first give a ten minute presentation and if she said anything else after that, I lost it.

Another panel member, like me, had no idea that this was the format and was writing notes furiously.  I know I don’t usually speak from notes.  So this is what happened to the best of my recollection.

I decided to stand up-not stay seated- and I started with what was uppermost in my mind,

“I just found a little while ago, I’ll be giving a presentation- so like you- I’m looking forward to hearing what I say.  I do feel at home here. For the last six to eight years, I have been in the audience wondering if I would ever make it to this stage.”

At that moment, much to my surprise, the audience spontaneously started applauding.  I was so touched- I choked up and my voice broke as I tried to say thank you.

I guess I have come full circle.  After my brain surgery, losing control of my emotions on stage was what I dreaded-.  But in that moment at the J Book Festival, I felt surrounded with love and support and it will always be one of the most special moments in my life that I am so grateful for.

Until the next time,

Evonne Weinhaus

This time of year always makes me feel hopeful. Strange, huh? That the leaves are changing, the weather turns crisp, and my wardrobe becomes increasingly “cuddly.” For some reason, I feel autumn more than when any other season takes center stage. Why? My thoughts turn to all the things that have occurred throughout the year. This year, especially, has been an amazing year of twists and turns. Sometimes I felt as if I was riding high. Still other times, I felt as if I had been dashed to the ground; a cast-off never heard, known, or respected. And yet…I have enjoyed this ride—immensely.

This time of year, I think about what’s to come:  Who am I? And, where am I going? I begin to think about hibernating for the winter. I feel as if I can finally exhale because the intense course I set for myself at the beginning of the year has nearly finished. That’s the state of mind I’m in today. My mood is more musical than melancholy. However, my musical notes this year have been really interesting.

This year, for the first time, I’ve begun to notice my own marginalization. What I mean is, for nearly 20 years or so, pop-culture has been directed at me (meaning: my generation). As I watched MTV’s Video Music Awards, I felt like a crotchety old man, “What did they say?” “What is that song all about?” “What’s the name of that singer…I never heard of her?” “Look at ‘em gyrating all over the stage like that!”—that’s when it hit me. My feet were firmly seated in middle-age. I’m middle-aged?! What?!

What does being middle-aged mean? Does it mean that I shake my fist and curse at the young people when their baseball lands in my yard? Does it mean that I shake my head lamenting that “nobody has no respect no mo’?!” Or, does it mean that I begin to re-define myself by my own “middle-aged” standards and ignore what the media tells me I should or shouldn’t love? I say, the latter.

One of my favorite artists of all times is Nancy Wilson. My habit, usually without thinking, is to listen to With My Lover Beside Me. This project is full of Johnny Mercer lyrics that were discovered post-mortem, brought to life by Barry Manilow. My favorite track is called “When October Goes.” I’ve seen Ms. Wilson live countless times, have met her, and was even her guest in Vegas years ago for a Mother’s Day show with Lou Rawls. Her music exists in a part of my brain that pre-dates the-You.Tube-generation; however, when I typed her name in, I found a recent entry where she spontaneously decides to sing this song. Ok, so she has clearly advanced in years; haven’t we all? So, her voice and intonation isn’t as sharp as it once was; who among us could say differently? What I am most grateful for about Nancy Wilson; and myself, is that she’s still committed to what she loves…and she’s still here!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!

I confess…When I was talking to a couple of my grandkids recently, I forgot that the most important part of a relationship is the connection and the correction is secondary. So, this story, from Stop Struggling With Your Child is a helpful reminder to all of us.

Here’s a telling story of how one well- meaning father got so wrapped up in helping his son improve that he ended up missing the boat and was discouraging rather than encouraging to his son, Sam.

It was Sam’s little league game.  He was just beginning to feel comfortable with the rest of the kids on the team and the other dads who were coaching. Sam’s mom and dad were out there sitting on the lawn with the rest of the parents.  Dad started off great.  He was as encouraging and supportive as he could be.  He cheered in all the right places and really showed an interest.  When Sam’s team went into the outfield in the third inning Sam was put on third base and he was delighted.  Until then he’d been so far in the outfield, he hardly knew what was going on.  Dad, a lefty like Sam, was not so delighted.  “He’s a lefty.  You never play a lefty at third because his reach for the ball at the fowl line puts him at a disadvantage,” he told his wife.

So Dad, wanting to help Sam make the best of a difficult position, casually strolled to third and gently guided Sam over a little to compensate for his being a lefty.  In fact, he casually strolled over three or four times during that inning and gave Sam quite a few helpful hints as long as he was there.  Now this was not one of those sports minded aggressive dads who had visions of a major league.  This was a dad who just wanted his son to have a few helpful hints so he could play his best and not feel frustrated.  He wanted Sam to enjoy the game.

Mr. F, with the best of intentions, was doing what many parents do.  He was trying to give his child a feeling of success and accomplishment by correcting the child, by telling the child “if you just do it this way instead of the way you’re doing it now-you’ll do a better job.”  This is clearly an approach that maximizes the importance of the end result-being a good third baseman.

What’s wrong with that?  Aren’t there times when a little advice is in order? Yes, but advice and corrections need to be doled out in small measured portions that begins to decrease as the child exhibits more and more independence.  When parents chronically offer help, help toward a good result, they are essentially robbing their child of the very feeling of success they are trying to achieve.  They are robbing the child of feeling proud of what he can do independently.  They are robbing the child of a belief in himself.  Quite honestly, kids are less encouraged by our helpful hints than we would like to think.  And as far as improvement goes-believe it or not, improvement comes naturally over time.

Until next week,

Evonne Weinhaus

How is gratitude showing up in your family?  One of the best ways to teach our kids about gratitude is setting a good example ourselves.  As we think about gratitude this month, here are a few things to consider. 

• Do you discuss what you’re grateful for in your family on a regular basis? How can you incorporate it more into everyday conversations?
• When you’re having a bad day, would you normally complain or start with what is going right?
• Do you approach each day with an abudance mindset or a scarcity mindset?  This means finding a sense of peace with time, friends, supply, ideas.  It’s easy to get caught up in thinking we don’t have enough, but its so important to stop, reframe, and think about what we have, and be grateful.  We do have enough energy, time, love, balance, and supply.
• Have you done a community service project as a family? 

Every day, in increasing measure, I am becoming aware that I have had (up until now), no idea who I was or what I really wanted. Now before you press the delete button, hear me out…

I don’t mean that I hadn’t attempted to answer these important questions of identity, I’m just sayin’ that each time I believed I knew who I was and what I wanted I found that I was wrong. Well, not so much that I was wrong, but each time I thought I had definitively answered the questions concerning who I was and where I was going I discovered (nearly every time) that my answers where just the tip of the iceberg.

“Don’t be surprised that people around you don’t seem to see you, know you, or understand you. In truth, even you are only just beginning to know WHO YOU ARE!”

~ Jaimes McNeal

The thing about icebergs is the cap visible at the water’s edge is just, as they say, “the tip of the iceberg.” The real concern is the mass that sits deep beneath the surface. So, each day in increasing measure, I have noticed that the water levels recede. As they do, more of who I am and what I want is revealed not only to me but to those around me. The beauty and the pain of this process is that sometimes as the iceberg/water ratios shift, so does our life. And with that shift comes the inevitable shift of people, places, and things. As human beings, this causes a disruption of the elaborate worlds we construct for ourselves. From a completely objective point of view, the only thing we can count on is that there is precious little that we can count on.

Gratitude describes the attitude we can adopt to process our water’s shift. As our concept of ourselves change, we are sometimes required to “redefine” ourselves in response to who we see ourselves to be now. What I want to communicate to you is to try (inasmuch as you can) to be patient with yourself as you experience these shifts that arrive unexpected and sometimes exceedingly dramatic. Try, if you can, to be patient with yourself and those whom you love because as your waters shift, so does theirs. Be grateful for the opportunity to witness more of who you are (and who they are) to come to the surface.

…and oh yeah, be careful not to assume that the latest shift is the final one. As soon as you think you know who you are, the process starts all over again. Aren’t you grateful that you know that now?

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!

At first, we may not know what is going on. We just find life difficult, challenging and often painful. Eventually, after much experience and reflection, we start to find meaning in it all. In the end, we are grateful for the experiences both good and bad.

As we become conscious of ourselves, we walk our journey purposefully, embracing our character and strive for wholeness.

Wholeness is a qualitative reality. In other words it cannot be measured it can never really completely be attained. Wholeness is something that simply inspires us in our attitudes and approaches in life.

The pursuit of wholeness arises from a desire to connect with yourself and others, but also to share what you value within yourself – essentially the beauty, truth and goodness you discover within your soul.

So while your consciousness is focused in the personality or ego you will continue to seek perfection. Setting standards that no one can reach. Consider instead of striving for the perfection of some faraway, distant, separate being, and acknowledge that your spiritual awakening is reaching wholeness allowing you to awaken to what one already is – what you already are – in all of your beauty, grace, divinity, flaws, imperfections, wholeness.

Ralph Waldo Emerson taught us about perfection when he wrote, “Do we go into the garden wishing that the pansies were taller than the daffodils, or thinking that the roses would be fine if only they didn’t have thorns? Do we go into a kindergarten and wish that the children would fit into some model of perfection we hold, or can we see that variety makes the beauty of gardens and humans, that our spiritual task is not to make perfection but to awaken to the perfection around us.”

Just remember what is perceived as perfection will differ according to the different personality types and temperaments. Even self diminishing or self destructive behavior is proof of this search for perfection. Self sabotage.

When one anguishes of achieving this unconscious ideal, its opposite may typically be enacted – punish or destroy the one who cannot meet the expectation or match up to the ideal.

To have consciousness of your self is necessary before wholeness becomes an objective in one’s journey.

In case you want to peek at the answers here are the results of your test in life:

Congratulations! You’re not perfect! It’s ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody’s ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong – which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring! So you’re not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath! Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you!  We really cannot  be one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. So celebrate the fact you can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a whole person.

 What a wonderful liberating thought! We don’t need any of those resolutions to make us perfect – we don’t need to strive for any of those things – we can find beauty and hope and comfort and peace in the way things are. And we can find ourselves being grateful for what is already right, good, and perfect.

As we begin to encroach on another year may we consider to rest in our imperfections. To acknowledge their presence and rest in the power and possibility of loving what is, of knowing that we are loved just as we are, changing and growing, remembering that in the center of our beings we are whole, complete, good, no resolutions necessary. May we awaken to the wholeness and perfection already around us and be at peace.

Tammie Renfro

Recently, I’ve been considering what, exactly, gratitude means to me. Is gratitude only a factor when one has a perfect, anxiety-, and worry-free life? No. Gratitude is a mature orientation toward life that seeks to make sense of the unavoidable ups-and-downs. Most people have little or no difficulty feeling grateful when life seems to “go their way”—but what about when life seems to be a series of one difficult challenge or failure after another? Where, then, is your gratitude? Consider Arthur Ashe.

One of my personal childhood heroes is Arthur Ashe. In a time during which there were few African-American personalities on the national and international stage, Ashe stood out as an incredible example of what we all could achieve. During my adolescent years, I could hardly be called an athlete, but after watching him play on television I bought myself a racquet with the earnings of a summer job and headed to the playground. I taught myself by hitting balls against the school wall when I couldn’t find a willing partner. For countless hours, I smashed that green ball against the wall attempting to perfect my forehand, backhand, slice, and service games. Although I never had aspirations of the professional circuit, hitting the ball as hard as I could was my oft-chosen therapy when things were askew at my house.

While living in New York City in my 20s, I attended several matches during the 1997 US Open in Queens. I can still remember how I vibrated while walking up the stands to take my seat with my then boyfriend, Terry. He had surprised me with tickets for several important matches, but the real surprise had to do with the fact that a few years previous he had lost his partner to AIDS. The historic importance of the particular day we found ourselves sitting center court was the stadium name change from Louis Armstrong Stadium to Arthur Ashe Stadium. I could scarcely contain myself. As the reserved tennis spectators’ hush fell into an electric reverence, we listened as Ashe’s wife spoke about his childhood, his amazing tennis career, his triumphs, his failures, and how he contracted HIV through a blood transfusion during heart surgery.

Of all the comments made that day by numerous dignitaries, the single comment that stood out as a personal mantra came from Ashe himself. His comment has sustained me all these years since. He said, “When I won at tennis…when I won at Wimbledon, I didn’t ask the ‘Why me?’ question. Why was I so blessed with tennis, a wife, a child? I did not ask ‘Why me?’ when I was so blessed, I am not going to ask it now.”

Even in my mid-20s, I remember thinking, “This man represents someone I truly admire.” I thought, “If only I could remember this when I experience my life’s challenges then his experience would not have been for naught.” Who among us has the audacity to be grateful for it all? I tell you unequivocally the answer to that question is, ME!

How about you?

Do you have the strength to be grateful for the good times and the bad? Do you recognize that you never once questioned your good fortune? Do you have the heart of a champion? Do you recognize that even though you may not be an international champion, somewhere there’s a 12-year-old watching, learning, and patterning their life based on your example?

…and the 12-year-old about whom I am referring just might be the 12-year-old YOU!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!