Recently I wrote about a new book I read called the Power of Half.  It describes one family’s journey into the process of giving.  Thru their story, described by Kevin Salwen the dad and Hannah the daughter, you will find yourself inspired to look for new ways to give to those around you and the world. 

 One of the fun things about this book is Hannah shares many different activities to help individuals and families further explore the idea of giving.  Here are a few of my favorite:

- If you have young children in your family, check out Learning to Give.org, which shares service projects for youth workers.

-Challenge yourself to breakout of the American society’s standard accumulation mode.  A powerful quote by e.e. cummings to support your efforts. “To be nobody but yourself-in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else-means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight”  

 -Would you trade togetherness in your family over stuff?  “In a world where we often have excess, what would happen if we all chose just one thing in our lives that we have enough of and gave away half?  Magic.  Think about it:  cutting in half the number of weekly lattes, the hours spend online, the excess blood in our bodies.  One trick we learned: sustained giving is more unifying.  We lived it over time.” From the Power of Half.

 How are you celebrating generosity?  We’d love to hear your ideas about giving and what you’re doing to reach out to others throughout the year.

As I take my first few yarns and stretches after Christmas, I am filled with joy and appreciation for all the experiences of this year. How amazing it is to be aware of and to be in tune with one’s own gratitude and opportunity to be alive. Looking back on this year, I am humbled thinking of all the people, places, times, and experiences we’ve shared—some planned and others completely unexpected. And the thing is…I love them all:  the plan and the unplanned, the joy and the pain, the ups and the downs—for they have all been integral.

This year, as I sat in Christmas Mass, which specifically was a different kind of mass (one without pomp and circumstance, a mass for the poor where afterwards they are fed), memories of past years flood my mind…

Of course I think of my childhood and the many years of laughter with my parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents. I think of my early adult years and the decision I made 15 years ago to not go home for Christmas; not because I didn’t love them but because adult Christmas pales in comparison to childhood ones. I thought of the many Christmas mornings I’ve spent abroad; and especially those in Honduras with Chris, Gregory, and my son Miguel. I thought of Christmas mornings when I awoke dreadfully unhappy, and those filled with unimaginable joy. When I suddenly “snapped to,” to find myself sitting in a Roman Catholic Church in, in, in…Rome…listening to mass in Latin? (no),  Italian! (close enough); nearly every cell in my body begins to vibrate.

Thankfully, there are enough similarities between Spanish and Italian that I understand the foundation of the message; and the rest I just make up (pretty fun, actually!). I marvel at the craftsmanship and the invaluable works of art in every direction I turn. I am aware that the intention is to keep parishioners in a state of uninterrupted bliss no matter where the eye drifts.

My eye drifts over at Tommi, and I smile. My eye drifts over to his family and I realize that no matter where, families are the same no matter where you go. They love, they fight, they judge, they forgive, they come home looking for themselves—and sometimes, they bring home with them the people they love, and the process repeats itself in the coming year.

At the end of mass, because Tommi’s father was the first collaborator of Mother Teresa in Rome and the person who found the house for the Sisters, we are invited back to the area where they live. In fact, I find out later that Tommi has been photographed, as a child, in the arms of Mother Teresa — but that’s a story for another blog. Again, because I don’t speak Italian, the majority of my time here in Rome is spent listening to and reading body language. If you have had a reason to be in a place where you don’t speak the language you realize what a humbling and exhausting form of communication this is. So, I shuffle along with everyone into Missionarie Della Carita, a separate part of the cathedral. There are times Rome’s beauty exhausts me. Why? Because it’s everywhere. You simply can not take it in. An analogy is to be constantly fed your favorite foods…at some point, you simply can not appreciate your gustatory feast any longer. The taste bud sensations grow weary and you bloat; and what was once savory becomes bland, ordinary, gluttony…that is until you have a spoon of sorbet.

Within a few minutes, I am told that a few feet away from where we stand is the room in which Mother Teresa slept whenever she was in Rome. My heart skips a beat. Then, without another word we shuffle into a little room where time seems to have stopped. There is the smallest of beds, a table, and lamp, and a few other meager items but I am completely spellbound to be standing in her private space. The room is so small that you could stretch out your arms and touch each side of the room. “The room,” I am told, “is kept just the way Mother used it.” I reach over and run my hand along her bed and her pillow. I begin to experience what can only be described as ecstasy. However, I try to contain myself.

Sister Mary Prema, The Mother General—the German-born Sister who has taken over the entire world-wide order since Mother Teresa’s death (who just happens to be there on this Christmas)—touches my arm and speaks to me; but I can no longer hear her. I am gone. I come back momentarily to realize that she is speaking to me in English and that I should probably pay attention in order to respond or risk her thinking that I am mute.

She hands me a medal with Mother Teresa and another with The Virgin Mary and a card with a picture of Mother Teresa upon which is written a prayer. I can no longer hold back the tears that are stinging my eyes. It must be understood that I am not Catholic. In fact, I was raised in what could be considered the opposite of Catholic. I grew up (whether consciously intended or not) with a healthy suspicion of the Catholic faith. However, as with most things, I have had opportunities to confirm whether or not my childhood beliefs were valid…which in summary means, I have found myself many times sitting in a Catholic church wondering if it could be ascertained that I didn’t belong there.

As we leave Mother’s room, The General Mother once more grabs my arm and thanks me for all the work that I am doing in the world; and that the world needs it. No kidding. She actually said those words. Without warning the tears began to pour down my face and I no longer care about how I look to those around me. Another Sister puts her hand on my forehead and gives me a blessing. I close my eyes. Ecstasy — in full bloom. I hug and kiss everyone (first left cheek and then right) and wish them, “Buon Natale!” And, somehow step out into the most beautiful courtyard I’ve ever seen. The sunlight dries the tears that stain my face. Suddenly, I can breathe again as I begin to comprehend what has just occurred.

What has occurred, I understand instinctively, is that I have just completed an important portion of my life’s journey. And, I am ready to begin a new one. I am grateful to everyone for the part each of us have played in this drama we call life. Most of all, I am grateful for myself for always having the courage to live my life by my own design. It hasn’t always been pretty, and I have certainly made lots of mistakes, but the one thing I can say is that I have lived, and that I have loved. And, for me, that’s a breakthrough!

Until next year…I don’t know when, but this is my last BreakThrough Blog until I am clear about where life leads me next. So, my friends…I’ll see you somewhere and I will most certainly continue to blog because I believe blogging has allowed me to open up to myself as well as share with you!

Happy New Year! Oh, and congratulations to Evonne Weinhaus! You made it! Thank you!!!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!

A few days ago, I walked by myself into a Roman supermarket completely cloaked in my own thoughts. What a strange sensation it has been to be in a country where I don’t speak the language. Not since I first travelled, lived, and worked in Honduras have I had this feeling of being completely on the fringe of society. Now that I speak Spanish, I suddenly remember how it felt to only understand snippets of conversation intended to convey even the most banal elements of every day life. Thankfully, the similarities between Spanish and Italian are such that I understand more than the people around me are prepared to accept (given their surprised faces and smiles when I suddenly and unexpectedly answer or contribute to the conversation).

I find myself now, as I did before, filling in the blanks with my own interpretation of what’s going on OR I entertain myself in a brief corner of my mind; and it is from this mental corner that I found myself as I walked into the supermarket.

Rome is full of food, wine, and desserts that is often followed by more food, wine, and yes…more desserts. If I listen hard enough, I can hear my moratorium on cheese simply disappear. How can someone even think of visiting Rome without eating tons of cheese, pounds of pasta, and drinking bottles and bottles of wine?! I think Julia Roberts got it right…so, as I come to the end of the first week:  Eat (check). There are times when we turn a corner and my breath is ripped, literally and figuratively, from my lungs. So overwhelming, it is, to walk along the streets that tell the story of modern civilization. This isn’t my first visit to Rome, but it is the first time I’ve seen it with such amazing and loving eyes.

My last visit still makes me laugh as I remember how my friend, Kristine and I, “lost” my passport, my desperate sprint to the car rental in search of said passport, her dumping my suitcase (underwear included) in the middle of the train station, the police demanding that she kindly repack my suitcase, our missed train to Milan—only to discover that I had it in my pocket the entire time.

And, it is with the aforementioned loving eyes that I walked into the supermarket.

I slowly and consciously chose my items. Paid for them. Exited the store. However, something caught my eye and I decided to walk in again (through a side door) to look at the rows and rows of wine. Deciding that I had had enough wine, I sauntered down the street in my reverie but suddenly I turned because I heard yelling at my back. I found that the yelling was directed at me?! I turned around, walked back at the same pace to an irate man yelling at me. I surmised it to be because he thought I had stolen something because I exited through the side door instead of the principal one. Slowly, I opened my bag, showed him my receipt, and pointed to each item in the bag and its corresponding listing on the receipt. In my halting Italian, I tell him, “Sono un uomo onesto.” He suddenly stops talking, and without another word, I turn and continue my slow gait back to the apartment.

Approximately an hour late, we sit down to eat and I suddenly remember what happened at the store. I wasn’t sure if I would tell Tommi and Chiara what happened, but I thought it would make an interesting edition to the “funny things that happened to Jaime in Rome.” They explained how my yelling grocer’s response was typically Roman. I smiled at myself and thought, “That man will be my friend before it’s said and done.” Sure, we started out in a “misunderstanding,” but I decided while he was frothing at the mouth at my suspected thievery that he deserved my patience and understanding even though he hadn’t given me the benefit of the doubt even though I was in his sights the entire time.

Sometimes, a breakthrough in generosity means withholding bitter words as they burn on your tongue. My grandmother always says, “If you see a fool and a wise man arguing on the street corner, the casual passerby can not tell which is which.” Or, as my friend Barb Klein’s recent Facebook post advises:

“Maybe you don’t like your job, maybe you didn’t get enough sleep. Well nobody likes their job, nobody got enough sleep. Maybe you just had the worst day of your life, but you know, there’s no escape, there’s no excuse, so just suck it up and be nice.”  ~ Ani Difranco

Next week? I’m working on Pray!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!

You think when you write a book that potentially you may make money or achieve fame like James Patterson or Jonathan Frazen. You have dreams of being on the New York Times bestseller list or in Oprah’s book club. Unfortunately, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Both have escaped Cindy (my co-author) and me so far. I’m not sure if we will ever get there, but the journey has been hilarious nonetheless.

After publishing A New Fearless You, I still remember our first request to contribute to a major woman’s magazine.  We were so excited.  We “sort of overlooked” what is was all about.  It was for their Holiday issue and they have a readership of over 5,000,000. 5,000,000 is a lot of readers! We weren’t even deflated when we learned the topic was Holiday cards. More specifically, the question was: What are your thoughts on whether or not you have to send Holiday cards?

C’mon holiday cards and A New Fearless You? They don’t have much in common, but it was our first big break. We eagerly wrote up a short article. But, we never heard back.

On to the next… I could hardly believe it.  We had an inquiry from someone who wanted us to submit a query for Reader’s Digest. Could it get any better?  I think not. It just so happened the topic was parenting and bullies. Now my last book was on parenting, but Cindy gently reminded me this one was not. Ever creative, we came up with a great angle on how bullies and their victim have a lot in common. It was new, it was edgy … we never heard back.

Next, we received a request from the most well-read financial magazine world-wide.  By now, our surprise is replaced with panic since the request came in at 10PM at night. Our comments were due in less than 24 hours.  I still remember calling Cindy to break the news.

“Whatever you’re doing-stop- we have 24 hours to figure out how playing Hide and Seek is connected to overcoming our financial fears.”

And you know what, we scrambled and did it. Since Hide and Seek is all about fear and game playing, we figured we were a shoe in for this article. By this time, I bet you have guessed the punch line — we never heard back.

The requests kept pouring in, but they got more and more bizarre. How do you explain road rage to a child? How should people with SAD stay positive when it is cold outside? Should you bug your teenager to wear a coat in the winter or let it go?

This last request really fried my co-author. As she said she has a million issues with her teenager – getting her to wear a coat doesn’t even make the radar!

We know that every author, every actress, and virtually everybody trying to make it big has to pay their dues. But could the articles at least have something to do with A New Fearless You? I consider myself a “Game Changer”, but I am definitely NOT an expert on some of the topics that have been thrown our way.

We have learned. Boy, have we learned. Sometimes painfully and at other times joyfully. It has been nothing but a wild ride. There recently was a great article about the book in the St. Louis Dispatch. A home run for the good guys. But don’t be surprised if you see us in the National Enquirer as well. You’ll be standing in the grocery checkout line, and there our book will be: How A New Fearless You brought Elvis back to life.

We’re a little more jaded, but when the email requests come in from a nationally known publication, we’re still like a child on Christmas morning. That is an excitement I never hope we lose.

Saying good-bye for now,

Evonne Weinhaus

This November, I read an amazing book I couldn’t wait to tell you about called, The Power of Half:  One Family’s Decision to Stop Taking and Start Giving Back by Kevin and Hannah Salwen.  The Salwen family’s journey into giving began after their 14 year old daughter Hannah saw a homeless man on one side of the street and a man driving a Mercedes on the other.  She thought, “Dad, if that man had a less nice car, that man there could have a meal.”.    None of the Salwen’s could’ve predicted what happened next.

Over a series of conversations they decided to sell their home and move into one that was half the price.  The proceeds of the home sale they wanted to help the world.  They ultimately focused on the Hunger Project.  Thru this amazing book, you read about the details and thought processes of this journey.  It begs all of us to ask, “How can I make a difference?”  Most of us might not live in a mansion like the Salwens once did, but they encourage readers to think about how they can give up half.  Maybe it’s as simple as cutting TV time in half each week and volunteering as a family. 

One of the activities Hannah suggests for families is called What Can You Give Away?  Very simply, think about your time, your treasures, and your talents.  What are you willing to give.  You might turn this into a game and have each family member write what they see about you.  Then, you can choose one card and act on it.  The Power of Half is a must read book for anyone who wants to make a difference in the lives of others.  It’s a perfect read for this season of generosity and good will that will inspire you to give more, do more, and reach out to others.

The past is but a memory. The future holds one of many possibilities. The now is gift, which is why it is called the present. The implication of the previous statements is that if you desire a breakthrough in generosity; you have to let go of all concerns about the future and past…easier said than done, right? You’re probably in an egg-nog induced haze, so while I’ve got your attention, let’s get right to it.

Let’s start with you…

So often, we spend a great deal of time either obsessively thinking about what we want to accomplish (the future), or obsessively worrying about what did or didn’t happen (the past); that we miss opportunities to give to ourselves in the moment (the present). In so doing, we literally rob ourselves of the richness of the given moment.

A breakthrough in generosity, my dears, begins and ends with you. So easy it is, during this season, to rush around purchasing, buying, accumulating that we scarcely remember the reasons why we are so occupied in the first place. Personally, I detest holiday shopping. Not because I don’t relish purchasing and exchanging gifts (actually quite the opposite) but more so because there seems to be an air of absent-mindedness wrapped around the whole of these activities…or in other words, we’re not present while buying all those presents.

Now before you tune me out, or at the risk of these words being drowned out by the latest Mariah Carey holiday CD, Oprah’s Favorite Things, or so-and-so sings the 12 Days of Christmas, I’m not advocating that we put a halt to our holiday gift buying ritual; all I’m saying is check in while you do “whatever it is” that you do. However, if you find yourself suddenly “snapping to” at the 10th cash register of the day buying something for someone you hardly know because you’re afraid to be empty-handed just in case your dry cleaners shoves a present in your hand…just stop!

What if, instead of planning to have a certain number of “just in case” gifts on hand, you allowed yourself to be present in those moments instead. So, say your dry cleaners gives you a gift, instead of feeling guilty that you hadn’t gotten her one, be present while she hands you the gift and just say, “Thank you!”

There…now go on about your merry way. And remember, the present is a gift!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!

Generosity, kindness, and consciousness come in all different shapes, forms and may take some time  to ignite.  Here is another story from the Butterscotch Barnyard collection written by Anna Lee Nissenholtz and myself that illustrates this point from a child’s point of view.  Please feel free to share with your young children and start a dialog with the Talking Starters that are included.  Enjoy!

The score was 5 to 6 with only two innings left.  Max could not remember when he had ever been more excited.  His team was winning and he was the captain. Outside playtime was the very best part of school.

The boys and girls on his team had the ball and were getting ready to bat.  Max heard his name.  His teacher was calling to him.

“Max, I think Jimmy would really like to play ball with you but he is very shy,” said his teacher.  Max looked over to where the new boy, Jimmy, was sitting.

“But Miss McGooch,” Max said, “Jimmy has those silver braces on his legs.  He’ll make my team lose.  He can’t run or anything!”

Max had seen Jimmy in class and had felt badly when Miss McGooch explained Jimmy couldn’t walk without those bars on his legs.  Max liked to run and jump.

Max looked over once more.  “I just can’t today Miss McGooch.” He ran back to his game.

Max’s team won and he forgot all about Jimmy.  Later that day he remembered. He was just about to go over to him when a friend suggested they play on the jungle gym.  Max thought he would try to play with Jimmy later.

Several days passed and Max thought of Jimmy often.  Somehow he never got around to the lonely boy with those big, silver bars on his leg.

More time went by.  One day Max was sitting on the floor with his friends working puzzles.  He wasn’t very good at puzzles.  He was getting very angry.  Everyone was putting their puzzle together except for him.  Soon, some of the children noticed Max couldn’t do his puzzle.  They started to laugh and make fun of him.  Max’s eyes began to burn and tears started rolling down his cheek.  Suddenly, he felt a hand on his arm.

“Don’t cry Max, I’ll help you.  I’m real good at puzzles.”  Before Max could even say anything he looked up to see Jimmy putting his puzzle together.

“Wow, Jimmy, why are you so good at puzzles?” exclaimed Max.

“Well,” said Jimmy.  “I can’t run and jump like you so I have a lot of tie to practice with puzzles.”

Max thought a minute.  “Hey, Jimmy I have a great idea.  You can help me with puzzles and tomorrow when we play ball I will help you.  You can be our catcher and when you bat I can run for you.”

“Gee Max” said Jimmy.  “Would you really?  I’d like that more than anything.”

Max thought he would like that too.

TALKING STARTERS

Pretend you’re Jimmy watching all the children play ball.  Show me how you would look.

How would you feel if Miss McGooch asked you to let Jimmy play ball?  What do you think you would do?

Jimmy was different from his friends because he had a special problem.  How do you think Jimmy was like his friends?

This time of year our thoughts easily turn to giving. We think about giving to our family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers in the form of gifts, presents, or time. However, have you ever really stopped to consider your policy of generosity towards yourself? Or, come to think about it, do you have a policy of generosity that includes you?

If most of us were completely honest, we often fall last on our list. Not to say that we don’t care for ourselves, but we often find ourselves completely “vested” in a life (lifestyle) that doesn’t include even our most basic and most cherished preferences. What I mean is, stop right now and look around…what do you see? Do the things that surround you reflect you? Or, are they a monument for the “you” you want someone to believe you are? And, more importantly, how would things look if you could design them exactly the way you desired?

For years, I’ve been saying in workshops, talks, and lectures that we’ve become human doings and have completely lost the idea of the idea of being human beings. We’ve gotten completely lost in the “doing-ness” of ourselves that we hardly recognize for what all this doing-ness is about. We get up everyday and we “do” our jobs, our kids, our relationships, our routine and chores without giving much thought to the question: Exactly who is the person “doing” the “doing” that you’re doing? Do you even know anymore?

Perhaps the idea is to peel back the layers of all that doing and get back to the essence of yourself…your being-ness. Who do you have the courage to be…right now? If you were free to be anything you want, would you do it? What if you learned that this would be your last holiday season? Or, the last holiday season of someone you love (or would dare to love), would you be spending your time “doing what you’re doing?” If the answer to the question is, “NO!”…well…now we’re getting somewhere.

Creating a breakthrough in generosity means that you have to be generous (first and foremost) to yourself. You have to put your most deepest, heart-felt desires on your list. Go ahead. Put it on the list, and check it twice. Throw away the notion of being naughty or nice. Why? Because now is the time for you to be generous to you! Now…that’s what I call a breakthrough!

Use this discussion board/blog to post your insights. Read and discuss the insights of others. Go for it!