Here lately, I’ve become more aware of the negative things I seem to say about myself; “These jeans are looking awfully tight”, “Wow, I’m really starting to look older”, and “Hmmm, I really should get off my lazy ass and do something today.” I’m sure I’m not the only one that talks to myself like that. And yet, I would never say these words to someone else. Why do I think nothing of saying them to myself? In fact, if my husband, or even a friend addressed me in the manner in which I do myself, I would be shocked…and incredibly hurt. Which brings me to question:

Why is it so easy to say ugly words to ourselves…about ourselves?

It was a few years ago that I decided that my weight had gotten out of control. After having two kids and experiencing a couple of periods of depressions, I finally reached a place where I was loving life again, I was happy. But I wasn’t happy with what I saw in the mirror. I would say I loved myself, but the big question was….. Could I look in the mirror NAKED and say that I loved EVERYTHING about myself? Honestly, the answer was HELL NO!!! Look at those rolls, look at the way that my thighs touch, and I don’t even want to talk about the dimples in my butt!

As I became more conscious of the things that I was eating and learned to love working out…or at least learned to work out, even if I didn’t always love it… I saw changes. But over time, I came to realize that the big changes happen when I could start looking in the mirror naked and loving every inch of me…no matter what I saw. This took time, it didn’t happen overnight. I had to recognize that every part of me, including those rolls and dimples, represented who I am. And, in order to start loving myself completely, I had to love all of those parts of me. I became aware of the lessons that I could learn from every part and, when I became aware of those lessons, I could then love it. And, only then, could I say that I was done with it and release it…give it permission to change, and give myself permission to make changes. The vision that I saw in the mirror was changing, the work was actually more mental then physical. I was talking to myself differently, walking taller, and feeling the love that I had for myself. I felt GOOD!!!

I have learned since then that it is easy to fall into old patterns, there’s comfort in what we’re used to. Being aware of these patterns is the first step…and then recognizing the steps to change things comes next. Some of those steps I’ve already started. Now it’s time to focus more on those thought patterns that hold me back…to work on stopping the negativity in my head. Just like any relationship, we fall into negative habits and need to invest the time into creating good ones again. There is some trust that has been lost and not always being honest with yourself takes time to repair. But this relationship, the one with yourself, is the core relationship. It’s the one all other relationships that you have are built off of. And you can’t foster good, positive relationships with others if you don’t have a good, positive relationship with yourself.

NOW IS THE TIME

I am taking this weekend to invest in me. To clear my mind and to love myself…more now than I ever have. This is not about getting into size 2 jeans or to look like a swim suit model on the cover of Sports Illustrated. This about being healthy, about investing in my relationship with me, and about remembering to love myself every single day more now than the one before. This weekend is about me…and I intend to make the most of it.

Love and Laughter Always,
Becky

Love isn’t always obvious…it takes various forms at different times in your life. I know for my husband, Jason, when he met me for the very first time in the break room at Gem City College, it was love at first sight. I, on the other hand, was already in love with someone else, a man who I would soon be engaged to. This didn’t stop Jason and I from building a deep friendship that would eventually develop into something more. I remember the very moment that I knew I had fallen in love with him. I had a very close friend of mine pass away in a car accident and Jason gave me a ride to the train station. When my fiancé picked me up to take me home, I put my arms around him and realized that I was wishing it was Jason.

Now, 14 years later, we’re happily married with two wonderful children, our own business, and an incredible life. I know every day how blessed I am to have created this wonderful family with such a loving and caring man. Just like any relationship there are ups and downs, ecstatic highs and depressing lows, but I still love my husband tremendously and have never doubted the path that I’ve chosen.

One of the things that I think makes our relationship so strong is that we have always been very upfront and honest with each other, no matter the consequences. I think a lot of this was because, before we had a loving relationship, we had built such a deep friendship. So when over time, just like many other relationships, the spark of him touching my hand for the first time, or the butterflies that flutter in my stomach when the phone rings, went away we talked about how I felt about that. We talked about the questions that were going through my mind…. Is that feeling gone forever? How did we lose that? Can we ever get that back? I miss that, and when I expressed these feelings to him, it turns out we both missed that. This didn’t mean that we had fallen out of love with each other, and we knew we loved raising our family together. We even knew that we were still with the one we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with…but what if there was more? What brings that spark back?

I wondered if we could have both: the kind of love that makes your heart pitter-patter and your stomach turn upside down, and the kind of love that makes you want to tough it out in the rough times, through the bills and the kids and the curves in the road. Do they have to be one in the same, or can they be from different sources? But, again, we both missed that and we both really wanted to find out how to bring that feeling back into our lives. Now, for many couples, this is when the trouble starts. People seek outside of their relationship, the honesty and trust takes a backseat to affairs and sneaking around. Fortunately, we had always been honest about our feelings, so after much discussion and heart to heart talks about our feelings, we came up with what works for us, and found our “pitter-patter”. Through this, we came to the realization that there is no one answer to what love looks like, how we receive love…and there are no limits to love.

I’ve since found that love can come when you least expect it, from places you didn’t know to look. It can come through heartfelt discussions with the one who’s been there all along, from a thoughtful gesture from someone you didn’t expect, from a friend who will listen when you need to talk. Accepting the love you have, recognizing the love you need, and creating the love you want is easy. When you put out a need, it is answered each and every time. It may not look like everyone else’s answer, but it’s yours…

Love and Laughter Always,
Becky

Since February is the month to talk about relationships, and trust me this is probably one of my favorite topics of all to talk about, I’m sure that before the month is over I will delve into my own person relationship…that always seems to start a good conversation, and more than that, gets lots of attention and questions.  But for right now, I feel it is important to talk about the relationship that is happening with the team of people that have been helping to get BreakThrough the Movie out to the world.

Jaimes and I decided a few weeks ago that it was important that we bring as many of the people together as we could that have been playing a part in spreading the word about the movie.  This was important to us because we really wanted to get to know the people with whom we were working, and learn what were their dreams and goals.  In the 12 hours that we spent together learning who each other were, sharing tears, laughing, and dancing together, we all seemed to build a deeper bond.  To watch the light bulbs go off when they learned something new about someone was absolutely priceless.

We could all feel the energy and the power in that room knowing that each one of us were doing a lot of good in the world, but WOW was their explosion when we all came together to play.  At one point during the day on Friday when everyone was making comments on Facebook and Twitter we created so much energy that we had over 80 people go to view the trailer on the website…that’s a lot considering we were only 20 people.

This is a very exciting journey that we are all on together, and I know that this group of people is just the first layer of many more, and I can’t wait to build even more relationships with people and see what all of us can do together.

No matter what kind of a relationship you are building, whether it business, loving, or a friendship, take the time to just sit and talk.  Put the electronics away, turn the cell phone off, and please keep the business cards at home.  Learn what it is like to feel fully engaged in the moment.  When you share some of your most heartfelt moments you know that you are building a relationship that is deep.

Love and Laughter Always,

Becky

PS: And I promise this relationship topic will become even juicer as the month goes on.

This morning I woke up stuffy with a sinus headache, and still a cough from the cold that I have had for the past two weeks, and the first thing that came to mind was, “Is this ever going to leave me?”  And, then I look outside hoping that the sun would be out there shinning bright, but nope, yet another rainy foggy day in St. Louis. I may as well just stay in bed…this would be easy to do.

Wow, did my day turn around fast!

As I’m just finishing up cleaning the bathroom, my phone rings. I don’t recognize the phone number, but I answer it anyway thinking anything would be better than what I have been doing this morning.  To my surprise, it was Mariane Parisi, one of the teachers from the movie.  I know this wonderful woman only through the movie’s film footage, stories from others, and BreakThrough Blogcast – episode 1.  She starts the phone call with, “Hello Becky, you have been on my mind lately, and I just wanted to connect with you.”

WOW. I must say I might have been a bit star struck. Actually, I felt honored and blessed at that moment…I had been on her mind?!   It was a very healing phone call for both Mariane and me, and I’m grateful that she followed through on her feeling about calling me.

It feels good to know that you are on someone’s mind, to know that you have taken up a part of their day having thoughts of you.  To me, hearing those words, “…you are on my mind,” is almost as good as hearing, “I love you.”  It is amazing how often I think about so many people on a daily basis, yet I hardly ever let them know it.  So, for every person that is reading this I’m here to tell you,“You have been on my mind.”

The feeling that I received from that phone call gave me the energy to finish up work that I was wanting to put off.  I felt valued and loved, from just knowing that she took the time to let me know that I was on her mind. So, let the people that are on your mind know that they are taking up a part of your day—part of your thoughts.  We might not all have all of the time in the world to actually show all of the people that we think about the time that they deserve, but by just knowing they are on your mind can sometimes mean even more.

Love and Laughter Always,

Becky

Today I received an e-mail from a friend. This friend has been following me on Facebook and his email mentioned realizing that he and I have dealt with the same “stuff” in the past, and how he continues to look to me for inspiration. The “stuff” in the past to which he was referring was depression.

I know that I have had my spell of ups and downs, and some much more often than others.  I have been on medicine in the past and have been hospitalized twice for it.  I remember feeling like a failure when I admitted to being depressed again this last time, and having to go back on medication.  It felt like my world was crushing in on me. I was angry at everyone, but mostly I was angry at myself.

I know that a lot of why I have gone through these moments is so that I can help others go through them as well. What I am realizing is that depression is nothing more than stuffed down anger, and we learn to put this happy face on to move through society, but in return society seems to think we should just all be happy. So, we all learn how to wear our masks very well.  I’ve arrived at this realization, in part, due to one of the teachers in our movie, BreakThrough.

But, when I think about some of the positives that came out of my depression, I realize that in anger you experience passion.  Passion and anger feel very similar, one being negative and the other being positive.  So, what stirs passion inside me? For me, it’s being around people that express their passion through the arts.  I love to go to a good concert. Ah, the sound of the Buddhist monks chanting…watching the Chinese dancers with all of their color and grace. Or, simply go to the art center and watch artist’s hands create something with clay or metal.  I pick up on that energy and I get inspired, and I know that the passion that lives inside them also lives inside me.  If even only in that moment I feel happy and I feel inspired.

So, you might be getting one of two messages today.  The first might be that if you are feeling low look to others for that inspiration, that higher energy, and pick up on that energy and live in it even for just a moment.  And, the second might be that others might be looking at you for that inspiration so sing out loud, live from that higher energy, because you might need to look to others one day when you are having an off day.

No matter what you do, decide today, to not live with the mask on any longer.  Be true to who you are…we need to create a safer place for people to be able to show and share their emotions.

Love and Laughter Always,

Becky

Michal asked me today, “What role do you see yourself being in the big picture with Awakened Productions?”  I feel like in some ways that should be an easy answer for me, but when I sit and ask it over and over again I’m not really sure.

When I take on a new coaching client, most of the time, early on in our sessions, I bring out my fairy godmother wand and I ask them “If you could have, be, or do anything that you want—and money and education weren’t limits—what would it look like?”  I’m always surprised by how “limiting” some of the things people say, or they say it in a manner “as if” it might be the wrong answer.

Today, I realized part of the reason why this might be so difficult to answer is because I haven’t seen many people doing what I want to do…and make money doing it. I want to change the way people think, I want to help transform lives, and I want to make a difference in this world. All of that doesn’t fit into a “9-to-5” working box. It doesn’t include a retirement plan or pension…and where do I go to school to learn how to do this? I want to help people heal from their past. Divorce does not need to look as it did when our parents divorced when we were kids. Depression can be healed by opening up to our feelings and surrounding ourselves with people that love and support us. And, a relationship (or family) can take many, many forms. I want to find these examples and show them to the world.

At the end of my conversation with Michal said to me, “Don’t think about it feel it. What does it feel like?”

So, in writing this blog, I began by thinking about the words I was supposed to type, but continued by typing them as they occurred me. So, what am I feeling? I’m still a big confused, but I’m excited at the same time. I feel good about the direction in which this project is heading, all the while knowing that my role will be ever changing. This project, for me, is about growth and learning.

I’m still not 100% clear as to what my “title” will be on future projects, or even exactly what my day-to-day activities will look like. But this I am clear about, for the first time ever I feel like I have been given a vehicle to drive that can take me wherever it is that I want to go. It can go fast, and it can go slow, but I’m the one in the driver’s seat. And, wherever I want to go, I can go.

Love and Laughter Always,

Becky

I must be honest, this “blog” thing is a little bit frightening for me. I have never seen myself as a writer. I have several books in me that I have always thought about, but I don’t know the first thing of what to do to get them out of me and put them on paper.  I think some of these fears of writing stem from when I was younger. I failed English class in my junior year of high school, I don’t think I ever finished an entire book that I was required to read, and I was happy if I received a C on a spelling test.

One thing that I can promise all of you that read my part of the blog is that I am honest.  This is really intimidating putting myself out there so much for the world to see. However, if there is one thing that I have learned so far through the journey of creating this documentary is that in order to have breakthrough, you need to put yourself in a bit of an uncomfortable position.

In this blog, you will learn more about who I am, what is going on in my head, and what I am feeling throughout this journey.  The movie is about ordinary people having extraordinary experiences, and I’m about as ordinary as they come.  This project has been fun, but not all of it has been easy.  I will share some of the “ups and the downs” with you.

So, if you are thinking this is going to be all about sunshine and fairy tales, you are reading the wrong blog…that is not what this journey is about. Some of my greatest gifts having come during the “bumps along the way.”

You will be having teachers that will be teaching, extraordinary conversations taking place, and we encourage you to interact with us.  Ask us questions, make comments and suggestions, this is not a journey just about the film creators, it is about what we are all feeling, hearing, and seeing every day. This is just an opportunity for you to be a part of what I am calling “my playground.”

Love and Laughter Always,

Becky Schoenig