Twenty two mile an hour winds with gusts to thirty six said the scritchily radio man without emotion as I contorted my weather radio to attempt to receive a signal at 3:32 am.  My RV rocked while I watched the shadowy branches of the huge old oak tree spin in the wind.  The delightful thought entered…”what would happen if that old gal fell on my RV and scissored it in half?” 

Cool winds met the morning and highlighted the structure of this magnificent creature with spring green leaves doing the Cha Cha in all directions. Yet through the dance I could see larger limbs that held steady like a baritone, slightly swaying to the beat.  Beyond that chorus was the rhythm of the base, solid, consistent, upright, predictable and unmovable, thumbing a single tone grounded deep into the earth. I could almost hear its resonance.

She, like us has a centered core to her existence, an anchored cord that is the base for her survival.  What is this tap root that stays upright, sturdy and poised in all situations?  What gives her this confidence and clarity? When I look at her I know that she knows who she is without question and that gives me strength to trust her structure and permanence as I sleep under her wings.

What are the core values that give your life meaning – honesty, trust, appreciation, spiritual conviction, goodness or love?  How do you stay in alignment with them and what throws you off course?  I often felt as if my values or core beliefs were constantly changing – I could not find the rhythm of my life to know who I was and what was solid in my being. It felt as if my entire life was more like the leaves flittering in the breeze and altering to each whim or person around me than branches or a trunk, I was always swaying, never grounded.  

“This is a good thing” I would encourage myself, “I am flexible, easy going, alterable, open, and ready for progress.” Who wouldn’t want to be like that, ready to pick up shop and head in whatever direction the atmosphere dictates in the moment? The flip side of pliability might look like insecurity. Remember the Wet Willy childhood hose attachment that wiggled in all directions and you could not catch it? It was unpredictable how could you rely on it for security?

The opposite of being flexible in my mind was being boxed in and that would cut the cord to my freedom and no one should take that from me or I would cease to exist. I did not want to commit to anyone about anything let alone myself.  I loved and still love my freedom! A tree to me was unmovable, stuck, fixed and trapped.  I prefer the wind; no one owns it and it can move from here to there without entanglement or death.  If you uproot a tree it dies.  Of course it can be transformed into furniture or other beautiful blessings, but it is so stationary!  That could also be why I tend to date men who are trees.  Counter balance – we are ever seeking our equilibrium.

Several years ago I was asked to give a talk to a high school group about entrepreneurship. Little did I know that it was a staunch Catholic high school and my topic was – What are your personal 10 Commandments?  I like to stir up the pot. The basis was to understand what 10 commandments or principles you live by that hold true in all circumstances. Those you fall back on over and over again when confronted with hatred or love.  They are solid, clear and confident.  As the growth rings of my character develop I realize there are things that I clearly stand upon.  What are the qualities in us that are dependable?  You may not be in love with what they represent or how they show up in your life now, but you can always let go of what does not serve you.

Have some fun and see what you are made of today – number a page from one to ten and pen your deepest core values.  The beauty of knowing what is solid to us is that we can make choices based on these principles.  You can refer to your 10 when you are being asked to chair a committee, transfer to a different department, or enter a new relationship.

Are you like leaves, branches or a trunk?

What are you – male or female?  Do you ever feel totally in alignment with your given gender – completely woman in all aspects of your soul or entirely male with ever fiber of your being? If you are in sync so your inner and outer are balanced then what happens when it’s necessary to call on the qualities of the opposite sex? Are there elements in nature like trees or aspects we see daily that do not have a “sex” to them?

If you are a gentle sweet delicate female – how do you respond when you get knocked down by an unthinking bull dozing bully?  Do you cry, snarl and hope that gets the point across or do you stand up and slug the intruder? What would a real female do?

If you are a manly man, what happens when a cherished friend passes away, do you suck it up and act like you have it under control, or can you curl up in a ball on the floor or in the arms or your partner and weep from the center of your soul? What if you need to be kind and generous – how can a man do that and still be rough and tough?  Is rough and tough the kind of man you want to be?

Who sets the standards for our roles – Adam, Eve, Superman and Superwoman, Ward and June Cleaver? I believe that we are a balance of male and female qualities wrapped up in one identity.  Some days I need to wear pink because I feel womanly, soft and cuddly; other days I have my camouflage pants on with my pistol in my pocket and hiking boots…with no bug spray!

Some of my male qualities come from my history – the need to fight and be ready to protect my body, defend my once petite stature and natural sensual nature. Another portion is that I want to be seen as intelligent – whoever said woman were not?  Somewhere along the line the intellectual aspect of manhood appears to be more respectable.

When I was in my early twenties I sold life insurance for New York Life.  Blue suit, closed toe shoes, starched white blouse – can you imagine?  When I entered a corporate executive’s office they often saw a cute blonde and were distracted by the scene.  Thus my need to counter the sexual suggestions with intelligence ignited.  Within 15 minutes I was no longer an object, I had credibility.

I just rented a mini excavator to dig a 4’ trench for the electric line to my lodge.  My magic man in the country was busy so who was left to operate the heavy equipment….me?  Oh darn, I smiled inside, secretly fulfilling a lifelong dream to be behind the controls of a backhoe! I didn’t want to look like a girl in skill level, but I wore pink and my camo pants. “Mom, you are a girl” my son reminds me when I ask him if I look like a girl when we play catch with the football. I know I am a woman, but I like to play in the manly things too, so what does that make me or you when we like to seemingly step across the lines of the “other sex?” We have not even touched the aspect of sexual preference in relation to our given gender. That is all tied up in the roles we play too.

If we were created to be in balance then we have all we need in every moment to accomplish whatever is set before us. If we need muscle, there is heavy equipment or a friend who can assist.  If we need nurturing and love, then why not expect it to emerge from a part of us that we knew not, or to come from any direction – male, female, old, young, animal or insect? The more I love my womanhood, the more I love manhood in others and in myself.  The more I enjoy being pampered by the strength of a guy who wants to hook up my trailer and start the mower with a yank, the more I can express gratitude for the qualities of all we have been given.

Our future will illuminate the wholeness of who we are.  Let’s start today, be whatever moves you in the moment.  Authentic, real, truthful, honest and in integrity with yourselves – whatever that looks like.  What do you need today to be authentically you? Bask in the essence of your innate power; sexless, beautiful, strong, intimate, tender, brilliant.  Be the wo/men that shares your beauty, boldness, brawn, bliss and balance with the world. We love you for showing up as you.

I had been looking at my mounted 4’ x 8’ trailer for over a month. I was not there the day the guys loaded it, but they informed me it was fully packed with remnants from the building in my Eco Village in the country I am rehabbing.

“I can do it” I cheered myself – just take it to the dump, how hard is that?

“Do you need a vest or a hard hat?” She questioned at the front office weighing station. 

“Ahh, yes, I do” I muttered without real confidence, not knowing I needed to be prepared for the war zone ahead.

Everyone should spend at least a few moments at the dump. If for no other reason you get a sense about how your few bags of trash are part of a multiplication of masses of junk.  It is a major operation and while my truck is a large vehicle I felt dwarfed amongst the enormous trash trucks pulling up right next to me and unloading the entire neighborhood’s garbage.

I untied the tarp from my trailer, looked at the beautifully arranged bats of insulation covering the trash and thought “Wow, this will go quickly.”  I adjusted the plastic band on my hard hat and tied a scrumpled bow in the front of my neon green safety vest. I looked official.

“I can do this.” I said to myself, it will be an adventure!

Just under this neatly laid pile was a heap of tiny pieces of moldy drywall, insulation clusters and floor tile. My pitch for and shovel were useless. Thank God I had gloves.  The wind carried a fog of 50 year old mold that rose from the air with each cast away handful. “I may be here till dark, but I will have fun” I chanted, alternating highly controlled breaths in between tossings.

Shortly after I began Dennis appeared. I thought to check out my load to be sure nothing was toxic. He arrived silently and began removing things from my junk pile. I spoke not thinking that he was just rummaging to inspect.  The air was filled with sounds of the largest trash compactor I had ever seen, it would have taken my truck and trailer and pushed it into the dirt like your hand sweeping crumbs from the counter.

“How long have you worked here?” “5 years” he muttered and soon we together had unloaded the mess. He even got a broom and swept out my trailer! My guess is that the attendants rarely assist the dumpers, so I felt blessed. Fiberglass stinging my arms, face, chest and some strange particle in my right eye, I was done. My truck and trailer had a glaze of glistening itsy fragments of glass from the insulation, it sparkled like a crystal carriage.

Eye wash did not remove the scratchy feeling from my eyeball, nor did the left over antibiotic drops alter the ever increasing pain. I love urgent care; you are in and out in an hour.  I have never seen a doctor celebrate their work like the woman who successfully removed the foreign object from my cornea with a Q-tip. Painless since they dumb both eyes during the process.  The world became fuzzy.

Thus it remains two days after my “I can do this” trash adventure trip. So I spend most of my time with my right eye closed. My son’s friend at his band concert last night said “Cool you could wear a pirate’s patch!” My left eye was the slacker and my right dominated my power vision so I guess two slackers are better than one.  The creamy antibiotics she ordered magnify the soft edges growing on everything I view, but still I strive for peace. Hoping, praying and knowing that my real vision for spiritual seeing is being encouraged to spring forth with the same adventure and excitement I held at the dump.

What does the future hold? Will my cornea repair and heal?  Will I learn a new adaptive skill? Will I ever witness the world with the same visual clarity I had before my trailer trip of triage? All I know in this moment is that I am supremely grateful for all that I have.  For the ability to witness beauty all around me and to accept the angelic love that shows up to comfort me in ways I could never imagine. Whatever my healing process is…I know… Eye can do this!

As we cut the tender fresh leaves of lettuce, swiss chard, nasturtium tips and cilantro for our salad from the tree of life, I felt like a farmer from the future. Here I was in Pennsylvania at a Hydroponics workshop standing next to a Tower Garden full of live food sprouted in the green house only a few weeks before my arrival. The flavor, texture and scents where out of this world. The Jetsons would have been jealous.

Hydroponics is growing fresh veggies, fruits or herbs without soil just  nutrient and mineral rich water alone.  My first experience with Hydroponics in Oskaloosa, Iowa 25 years ago planted a deep desire for owning a greenhouse.  My boyfriend’s friend from high school owned and operated a gorgeous green house, she was a visionary.  She grew for fancy restaurants and high end grocery stores who wanted beautiful and tasty stock.  She even wrapped her produce with a bow.  I was jealous.

I  met Tim Blank, of Future Growing in Florida by phone three weeks ago to learn about his – new to me – Garden Tower.  The following weekend I landed in Pennsylvania to attend his intensive workshop to learn everything I could about this amazing system.  It’s a self contained closed Hydroponic system that sits in a 2 ½’ round space and stacks 5’ tall – up to 9’ if you want to grow 36 plants at once. You can place the Garden Tower on your balcony or patio. It uses 5-10% of what a normal garden wastes so it is honoring the earth. There are 20 growing pockets where you can mix it up and play or focus on one variety like a tower full of huge strawberries.

Blank worked with Disney’s Epcot Center who had a Hydroponic system way back in the 80’s. Blank spent over a decade in the green house and had access to the biggest and the best of information.  Working with NASA to configure the finest nutrition for the astronauts he kept asking why we were not feeding the plants nutrients that our bodies needed for success? It’s great when an idea falls on deaf ears and thus a new company is born.

In traditional gardening, there is a huge learning curve, even when you love the dirt like me.  I also am not a pesticide gal and so venturing into an organic garden system without a great deal of knowledge seems fool hardy and so I just head to the store and buy chips and cookies.

I have been seeking a successful way to:

• Eat healthier
• Grow my own food – better than traditional organics
• Have control over what is in and around my food – no pesticides or toxic chemicals to warp my cells
• Have easy access to information that is simple to understand and where I can feel like a green girl
• Provide something that is easy for my friends and water garden and landscaping clients who want the same.

Imagine eating a fresh salad every night that you trimmed or harvested from your Tower Garden. With the optional tomato cage you can grow…..well tomatoes and plants that vine. Check out a small sample of ideas:

• Vegetables: Fancy lettuce, peppers, cucumbers, squash, pumpkins, tomatoes, green beans, peas, etc.
• Fruits: Luscious strawberries, cantaloupe or watermelon…
• Herbs: Love to cook? Harvest gorgeous bouquets of basil, cilantro, spearmint, chives, etc.
• Passion for flowers? Try edible flowers or any variety you love to cascade down your Tower Garden.

A complete unit with all the goodies for success is only $500. I put one together in minutes. You can even add a low watt heater for colder climates that warms the water and extends the growing season. Optional components like a rolling base are handy. The Tower Garden has a patented USDA approved food grade plastic – sturdy and safe for you and your family.  It harnesses some serious powerful food without dirt.  I am excited to jump in and begin my Hydroponic experience so I may be of greater service to those who also love self sufficiency, nutrient rich food, control over their food growth, saving money, energy efficiency, and who are health conscious and mindful of what they place in their bodies – and FUN. Add a small green house out back to grow year round.

I know I sound like a commercial, but when I find something that blesses my being I have to share it with the world. There is no need for jealousy, we can now  take charge of our life and play with the plants from the green tree of life.

I met the most amazing individual just over a month ago.  We have been dating since the sweet moment that our eyes joined together and our souls merged.  Yes, on February 13^th the day before Valentines Day we coupled forces through the fate of the Universal Love Potion – ULP.  You know what happens when the ULP drifts through your life and ignites your pheromones…you fall head over heels in love?  That magical energy that courses through your body, and whenever you even think of the person – you smile and moan with pleasure.

All I want is to spend every waking hour entangled and embraced in the freshness of ULP. Sometimes it’s tough to get things done…lack of sleep from communicating way into the early morn and sharing each second with joy and wonder under girding our new relationship.

It’s funny how when you first meet everything is perfect!  The emotional connection is linked like a past life experience coming to know someone you feel you have lived with before. I feel a unique commitment this time, a dedication to a life long journey of working together no matter how challenging it looks on the outside or feels on the inside. From the center of my being we are at one.  We are a team. We are united. We are woven into one complete package of satisfaction.

The sparkling ULP that tingles and regenerates hour by hour is engaged in full bloom. I love this individual with all my heart and all my soul.  We have passed the 30 day window of any awkwardness and my goal is to stay in integrity and stand in my truth with a new awareness that has never been born before. We are in unchartered waters.

Do you know there are things that I am just not so crazy about in regards to this sweet soul?  Like…well you don’t really want to know what bothers me do you?  My goal is to be in complete acceptance and unconditional love no matter what.  At times that is a bit tricky, I get triggered.  Call it childhood stuff or emotional patterns, or junk that lurks just beneath the sweet taste of ULP. 

Sometimes people might question our compatability

maybe even say we are an odd combination to put together.

Yet this one seems to have a nice balance of male and female qualities.  Sometimes in charge and strong, and then able to be gentle, sweet, loving and tender – most of time really understanding and nurturing.  Did I mention funny? Whoosh the temper though, but I would imagine that goes along with being passionate about life.

There are component that I may say…I eeek strongly disliked about this individual, I just want it all to go away, it seems too hard, impossible, improbable that there is a solution and I feel so stuck at times, confused and chaotic, but they don’t last long.  The sun rises again and somehow a tiny bird brings the answer or a large paw from a fuzzy dog wakes me up and again I find my center.  The alignment and spiritual breath that carries me back to God, the true Universal Love Potion where we all discover that the individual that we most want to date, the one we have been dreaming about for years upon years, the one we have journaled about and treasured mapped in our minds is truly one we know well.

I am feeling that over the next 365 days we will learn a new avenue for love.  Something neither of us has experienced before.  Fearless facing of the things we have hidden in the past from other lovers. I am thinking that intimacy will find a new path for unfolding and carrying us to the core…of our love – and our issues. For are they not intertwined – so deeply in us all that the mirror of another is actually at one with ourselves?

For the one I am dating,

the precious friend who always wants to be there for me,

the amazing new relationship is with…

me!

I squinted and crept forward until our bumpers almost touched….I read out loud:

Some things are meant to be…

And me caring about what you think isn’t one of them.

I laughed hysterically with a deep and abiding appreciation for this person’s ability to clearly know their boundaries. As recently as a few weeks ago my reaction might have huffed something like this….”Well, what a jerk, how unthoughtful and uncaring!” I am learning that a vital survival skill is self government in all situations and under all circumstances.

I recently went to a new dermatologist, Dr. Bell.  The last time I visited in ’06 it was quick and relatively easy.  I have the name ‘Bell’ in my family tree so wondered if we were related.  “No” he answered without eye contact. His grandparents came over on a boat and chose a brand new name as their feet planted on our sacred soil…’Bell’…they decided.  His bedside manner mirrored the chill of brass. His real name wasn’t even true – a sure sign of a potential identity crises.

He performed one out of a myriad of things on my list as I repeatedly asked why we weren’t getting anything done today? “We will schedule another appointment,” he stated while he drew pictures on a mock up of my body. “The last time I came in we got it done” I chanted so he would know I was savvy and knew the system. I could feel my frustration rising.  The only reaction I got out of him was when he said…”Go about your day as normal, you can shower, wear make up, swim, etc.” I said, “You sound like a feminine napkin commercial – but can I have sex?” He actually snickered.  There is that part of me that enjoys the reaction, this is why introverts offer opportunities for play for those of us who want feedback and connection.

Have you ever wanted to hear a faint whisper when things seem out of alignment?

My finger almost touched the down arrow on the elevator before my boundaries triggered.  My new awareness is alive and exciting, it’s called…

TRUST MYSELF!

I know when something is out of alignment the moment it happens

If I don’t feel honored and supported – my new rule is to STOP!

Correct the situation immediately

Speak up

Readjust my body away from the action or behavior

Or…Walk away

There are infinite choices for self care. So I marched back into the Dr.’s office and asked the gals behind the desk.  “Why am I coming back?” They both said ”I don’t know why he didn’t do anything.”  I continued, “I am not comfortable with this, in fact I would rather not see him again, so I think I will go somewhere else.” They jumped in with an immediate solution…”Why don’t you see Dr. Womanhood?” I can’t recall her name.  “Is she good, and does she actually have a bedside manner?” I asked with authority.  I rescheduled.  Again I almost touched the down arrow before I could hear the frustration arise in my head.  So I TRUSTED MYSELF.  Back into the office I marched. All I could think about was his additional office visit fee as we stretched this fiasco out.…”Do I have to pay for another office visit?”  I jeered. They both sputtered, but got the point.

I imagine what my future will look like once I get this piece of my pie in order.  How long have I on occassion handed over my power to those who wanted to control me…because they could. A tough glance, or a mean statement and I would roll over like a submissive dog.

It all began as a wee little girl who could not speak up to my dad who acted inappropriately. Too many years have passed in silence. Mine and his. A few years ago when the ugliness was unearthed I spoke with him in the backyard of my parent’s home.  Asking nothing from him but for he to listen, for this was for my healing, not his. That was his responsibility.

There are areas that you are clear and clean about.

Are there any hazy ones?

Ever get the hair on your back ruffled?

Any place that when you step back it would feel good to shore it up?

It matters not where or what the source would seemingly be that threatens to rob you. Stand in the clarity of your voice, your power, your innate ability to know the truth that resides deep in the center of your body and being – honor it, trust it, speak it and set your boundaries with boldness and beauty. You are the future manifested today.

Set goals, create deadlines, and generate a Master Plan.  The experts taunted…if you want to be somebody in 5 years you must chart your course and pen it in permanent ink. The word goal has always been associated with some form of failure for me and unmet expectations.  So when I leap into my future and design the ultimate life I am more in alignment with Ester Hicks works and Abraham than the left brained business brokers of the 70’s. I mind map my way to see what’s next.  When I showed my latest desires in this format to Aaron, the magic man in the country who can do anything, he said, “I can’t read that! I will have to rewrite it to understand what you want!”

Have I ever reached a goal I asked myself?  Yes, but they did not look traditional in nature. I was given a vision while in meditation in 2001 to purchase property and it manifested in 2007.  The Land has been the greatest teacher around personal planning and futuristic models.  I had my ideals, my vision, and my purpose but there is a repetitious thwarting of Laura Lynne’s line item projections. There is a bigger plan at the heart of our lives.

This would not suggest that dreaming and daring are down the drain, far from it.  I just realize that my plans now come from an entirely different source or space in my physiology.  No longer does thought alone dictate my direction.  My movements emerge from stillness, peace, intuition, meditation and exuberant spiritual listening and…my emotions. That is why I call it Tune in & Win.

I go straight to Source who knows the direction before I purchase a new stack of legal pads.  This inner wisdom and guidance is innate in me and you right now! No waiting in isle 3. The other portion of this is resistance.

My dogs woke me up at 2:45 the other morning and I felt a wee bit annoyed.  I walked them back and forth on what’s left of a tiny portion of lawn, the other taken up by a patio and water garden.  Me in my pajamas pacing and encouraging urination without luck.  You cannot force this kind of thing.  As I lay back in bed listening to two panting dogs on the floor with muddy paws, I was frustrated.  Thoughts circled in my head like buzzards waiting for a carcass, “those darn dogs….I want to be asleep, why didn’t they poop?”  I wanted to shift my thinking and sleep, I suddenly heard…”What are you resisting?”

“That’s an open question” I thought – how random? I obeyed and scanned my body for tension.  How surprising that I found a few piles of it here and there, just like I was seeking in the yard.  Each breath took me into relaxation and suddenly I had eliminated 12, 572 items from my basement and my house was up for sale?  What the heck did this have to do with peeing?

So I invite you to tune into your spiritual guidance system in the way that feels supportive to you and to let go of resistance.  Whatever your style of planning and creating is today, play around with a new version.  There  – in that sweet and peculiar space you will find your future.  Clear, clean, fun, adventurous, challenging you to grow, learn, love, let go and even to let yourself be loved along the way.  Tune in and Win!

What will happen in the future?  212 has been near and dear to my heart - my birthday is 2-12, my son graduates from high school in 2012. On the other side I was raised in a hell-fire and damn nation church, 2012 was not a date to be excited about. What do I believe the future will hold?  Greg Braden’s visit to St. Louis was timely.  His ability to combine the scientific visual graphs of the ice core studies that date back 40,000 years and his deeply spiritual discoveries and insights change the gloom and doom to joy. The spiritual evolution of our planet has been mapped out and the way of  love is clear.

Why, because it all ties into being individually ACCOUNTABLE?  The very thing that I have worked on since I sat in a counselor’s office complaining about my alcoholic father and how my life could not progress, blaa, blaa, blaa, and he said….”You are blaming everyone else for your issues and not being ACCOUNTABLE.”

It was my first experience with time travel.  I was suddenly at my car in the parking lot and did not know how I had gotten there.  His words struck a cord so deep that all my bells rang at once and I had to escape from this horrible state on stage with the spotlight beaming upon my soul.  I grappled, and of course blamed the counselor because he was a man and could not understand me, I needed a woman right?

The seed was planted.  Fast forward 25 years in an argument with my former spouse.  I wanted to BUY studio lights for my photography business and he thought rental was perfect.  My manifestation skills were really hot.  On vacation in Taos, New Mexico, I got the call that the exact set of lights I wanted to buy for $1,500 had come in used in great shape with lots of extras for $800.  I knew he would be thrilled with what I created.  Nope, “rent them” his response.

Devastated and furious I drug my sad story out behind the hotel with the prairie dogs and tumbleweeds looking up at the Taos mountainside  (photo is of a meercat FYI).  I sat in the dirt and cried from a depth I had not reached.  “He won’t support me….boo hoo…I am all alone….boo hoo….if I am going to be successful I will have to do it all by myself….boo hoo….boo hoo…then suddenly the double edged sword turned on a dime.  I GET to do it all myself.  I am free.  I can create whatever I want to fathom.  I do not have to ask permission if I want success, beauty, passion, creativity, love and joy in my life.  I am totally responsible…ACCOUNTABLE for my own life!  Yipee.  My life completely changed in that moment.

Greg Braden shared about Heart Math an organization doing studies about the heart.  Our hearts have an electromagnetic field thousands of times stronger than the brain – the thinking part that get us into ego. When we hold a space of patience, understanding, and compassion our heart actually changes and it alters the magnetic field of the EARTH.  This is our tool for a successful transition into 2012 and through the patterns of time that are upon us in the next 12-18 months. Future times and challenges will shift if we can be ACCOUNTABLE and hold a space of love to release our old patterns of whoa. My shift in consciousness makes a difference today.  Imagine what this magic looks like when each one of us jumps on the wheel of individual ACCOUNTABILITY.  The entire world will unite and the transition into the future will happen with grace and ease.

I feel excited again.  Since Greg’s talk I am conscious of how I FEEL and what I wish to create in a space of love.  What will our future behold, beauty, love, compassion, laughter, bliss, spiritual clarity, harmony and peace? I choose ACCOUNTABILITY for my heart today to manifest love in each moment from now until eternity.

A stray dog trotted down our country road, a white pit bull with a splotch of brown over his left eye. He ran after my truck as if he had been dumped on the roadside, hungry, tired, confused, forlorn and disoriented. The desperation in his trot was sad, he longed for a new home, a cool bowl of water and a potential place to lay his weary head.  The scenario played out in my mind and suddenly the road became fuzzy through the tears in my eyes.  Had I ever felt like a stray dog left on the corner without any explanation or warning?  Was I undesirable and unwanted, a potential case for a homeless shelter or euthanasia?

The CD sang “Hey na na na na na na more than enough….” But that was not what I was feeling in the moment as I unchained the green cattle gates to my property. A good friend had given me a new grounding technique and I was so excited to try it on the land of ahs.  I grabbed a dollar store plastic table cloth and a thick green blanket and parked myself in the open meadow near a solo pine with the chimes my sister (Santa) had given me tinkling in the breeze.

I needed peace, I longed to reconnect with the sacred center of my soul and to dispel the weepy feeling that pervaded.  The series of events that unfolded over the last several weeks had triggered a deep core issue of trust.  I had lost faith in God, in my fellow man, and most devastatingly in myself. This was not a pleasant place to visit. But I knew if I did not recover the wounded hopeless 8 year old crying inside from the train station of my soul this day that she may never allow me to hold her hand again in sacred sisterhood. I had hope of encouraging and supporting her gentle growth into womanhood. I was so grateful to be looking her in one eye, since the other was hidden behind whatever she needed to feel a false sense of safety.

I laid crucifix style on the ground and began to breath. Within seconds Lucy, my neighbor’s great white Pyrenees was laying completely on top of me as if this moment had been planned a millennium ago and she was showing up for her roll in the healing presence of a warrior of wounds – minutes before she had licked the tears away and allowed me to hug her like a child with a circus teddy bear.  Her body was thick and solid unlike the muscled football players I had dated, this was different, it was of the earth and from the earth and powerfully steady with love like a polar bear.  Pyrenees do not mimic tea cup poodles but weigh 110 pounds dry and she had just come from a dip in the lake.

She placed her forearm over the chakras I had been focusing on to ground myself.  “Reddddd” I mumbled as her huge elbow dug in, “oraaaange” I gasped, then I sputtered, “yeeellllow” as she planted with precision like a pitch fork over the head of a snake. The clincher was when she gently whacked her mongongous paw on my third eye…”Indigooooo!”  “Okay” I thought, “there is something going on here.”

She instinctively knew I needed to feel the presence of Spirit in a tangible way.  I could feel my resistance release. Lucy huddled next to me with her bold head and gentle brown eyes lying on my shoulder, the mist of her soft breath trailing in the chilly air. What an amazing bunk mate!  Ever felt the power of a grizzly bear?  The sheer essence was like giving legs and a tongue to one of the boulders at Elephant Rock State Park.  She gnawed on my gloves until I removed them to wiggle my bare fingers past a few burrs and through her shag carpeting coat. I felt hope return. Lucy didn’t care if I had core issues rising out of my sacrum. Her glistening satin white paws where like angel threads of purity and purpose, here just to teach me to trust again, trust I was loved and that all would be well.

Animals and nature are great teachers about infinite love.

February is a time of the sensual scent of roses, red cheerful hearts on cards, playful red ties and red dogs.  “Excuse me, did you say red dogs?”  I could see the Youtube video climb from 3 to 300 to 3 million in minutes.  Two 70 pound puppies covered in bright red V8 juice and a naked woman also flanked in red bathing them in a tiny shower stall.  It could be the new fashion for February.

It was a perfect day to head to the country where my little RV serves as my visioning and planning pod.  Three dogs piled in my truck, an oversized mind-mapping pad and a stack of papers. Deep in the creative process of expansion I looked out the window and saw these beautiful animals rolling in the snow – face first.  “How silly” I thought, arctic dogs with double coats of long golden fur as part of their Great Pyrenees and Anatolian Shepherd combo blissful in the cold as I was cozied up inside with my space heater and my favorite pencil.

The fresh air of the country nurtures my soul and the sacred sounds of the red tailed hawks “keered” above my blissful bunk.  Opening the door to take a breather my entire body jolted backwards – “Holy smokes”, I gasped….skunk!!!  Ah the joys of nature.  No where in sight was this magnificent creature but her scent remained…the gift that keeps on giving. As I scanned my images later that day I thought it appropriate that Sunshine had mimiced what she had experienced – hind legs off the ground and tail straight in the air!

I scurried inside my box car castle to find a text from my, what I shall now call my “old” boyfriend. It too had the essence of a wicked jab delivered straight on with the same power that beholds the hind end of a spectacular creature like the skunk.  It was visceral, I got it.  There were no cushy phrases, no warning signs, just pure poison. I could feel a sinking sensation inviting me into the zone of hurt and anger.

I looked up skunk in Ted Andrews book Animal Speak and found solace in his words.  Skunk comes to teach us to demand respect from those around us and to understand how to deal with those loaded with obnoxious fumes. Skunks are peaceful creatures that only spray as a last resort. I pondered my retaliating response and decided that peaceful silence was the most powerful tool in my kit of kindness.

The only tomato based item on hand was a half eaten jar of spaghetti sauce and no running water. Truck windows cracked and heater on high, one actually begins to numb to the scent of skunk.  I picked up my son from school and laughed as he jerked back when he opened the door.  His window went all the way down, nad his head hung outside, forget that it’s 30 degrees. “Is it that bad” I said, as he gave me the eagle eye?

My nose became desensitized like what happens sometimes in a fowl relationship, you just can’t smell the stench any more.  Everyone around you balks but you merrily carry on your way – oblivious to the faults of your partner.

There is no drive through drop off skunk removal kiosks along Manchester, no one else to hand this project off to with a smile and a twenty. So as I stripped down with four bottles of V8, two freaked out dogs and my old boyfriends towel, I realized that sometimes we just have to fully embrace the smells and reality of our present world.

It humored me that I was not the slightest bit upset.  This could have been a perfect time to create a groupie gathering of those who would listen to a pour pitiful victim saga.  Just like the sharp sting of awakening the dogs had received earlier, I too was tingling from the opportunity to see the summary of a relationship I thought to be dear, slaughtered in one sentence. I bathed in V8 to remove any residue of a hurtful experience that I choose to have empower me. Though I would not recommend this style of eradication for healing, the outrageous nature was perfect.

How grateful I am today to be awake, alert and clear about what I want in a relationship.  I choose to be tenderly treated. The skunk residue remains but the lingering scent is a powerful reminder of what I hold dear, the joys of my soul. I see clearly that my energy and my pearls were cast before swine. My new intentions include that the skunks in my life expose themselves early, I catch the scent of warning a few miles away and be prepared to choose an alternate path.

So as I embrace today’s activities, including the celebration of my 49^th Birthday, and the ceremonial burning of my old boyfriend’s shirt out back, I feel fabulous and free for the generous gifts of discernment and clarity. I can now smell clearly!

Who’s your skunk?