At first, we may not know what is going on. We just find life difficult, challenging and often painful. Eventually, after much experience and reflection, we start to find meaning in it all. In the end, we are grateful for the experiences both good and bad.

As we become conscious of ourselves, we walk our journey purposefully, embracing our character and strive for wholeness.

Wholeness is a qualitative reality. In other words it cannot be measured it can never really completely be attained. Wholeness is something that simply inspires us in our attitudes and approaches in life.

The pursuit of wholeness arises from a desire to connect with yourself and others, but also to share what you value within yourself – essentially the beauty, truth and goodness you discover within your soul.

So while your consciousness is focused in the personality or ego you will continue to seek perfection. Setting standards that no one can reach. Consider instead of striving for the perfection of some faraway, distant, separate being, and acknowledge that your spiritual awakening is reaching wholeness allowing you to awaken to what one already is – what you already are – in all of your beauty, grace, divinity, flaws, imperfections, wholeness.

Ralph Waldo Emerson taught us about perfection when he wrote, “Do we go into the garden wishing that the pansies were taller than the daffodils, or thinking that the roses would be fine if only they didn’t have thorns? Do we go into a kindergarten and wish that the children would fit into some model of perfection we hold, or can we see that variety makes the beauty of gardens and humans, that our spiritual task is not to make perfection but to awaken to the perfection around us.”

Just remember what is perceived as perfection will differ according to the different personality types and temperaments. Even self diminishing or self destructive behavior is proof of this search for perfection. Self sabotage.

When one anguishes of achieving this unconscious ideal, its opposite may typically be enacted – punish or destroy the one who cannot meet the expectation or match up to the ideal.

To have consciousness of your self is necessary before wholeness becomes an objective in one’s journey.

In case you want to peek at the answers here are the results of your test in life:

Congratulations! You’re not perfect! It’s ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody’s ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong – which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring! So you’re not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath! Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you!  We really cannot  be one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. So celebrate the fact you can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a whole person.

 What a wonderful liberating thought! We don’t need any of those resolutions to make us perfect – we don’t need to strive for any of those things – we can find beauty and hope and comfort and peace in the way things are. And we can find ourselves being grateful for what is already right, good, and perfect.

As we begin to encroach on another year may we consider to rest in our imperfections. To acknowledge their presence and rest in the power and possibility of loving what is, of knowing that we are loved just as we are, changing and growing, remembering that in the center of our beings we are whole, complete, good, no resolutions necessary. May we awaken to the wholeness and perfection already around us and be at peace.

Tammie Renfro

Maybe it is now time to transition from striving for perfection to striving for wholeness.

Striving for perfection as a principle is a very useful first step in our growth processes. It can provide the encouragement to focus on the positive side of reality.  It can also box you in to only seeing things happen a particular way.   Somewhere along the road, you may need to  give way to striving for wholeness. We can find meaning in the negative as well as the positive and seeing them both as necessary lessons in life.

Perfection is a mental theory, and is described or perceived to be whatever the individual’s mental perception of ‘it’ is. The pursuit of perfection comes from non-acceptance of self as worthy, as good or deserving. Seems as though it is complete opposite of its goal. A paradox within itself.

Our possible motivation for striving for perfection is the desire to replace whatever imperfections,  lack or defects you may see in yourself or in your situation. You may even go so far as to hold others accountable to the perfection theory you’re trying to live and not even realize you are doing it.

Possibly one of the most significant considerations in developing an attitude of wholeness is the understanding of both positive and negative realities.   You may find by mastering the willingness to strive for wholeness you will see your significance and appreciate yourself and those around you alot easier.

Perfection holds no room for the negative realities yet when caught up in striving for perfection you may find yourself lacking connection with yourself and others.  You may also find yourself sad, frustrated, depressed, angry, inadequate, insignificant  to name just a few of the emotions one may feel. 

We think that God has blessed us if we don’t have too many problems or troubles. We often ask, “What have I done wrong?” when things do not go the way we want.

Yet, to become ourselves in the truest and deepest sense, which of course includes facing our dark side. We must be willing to strive for wholeness, not for perfection.

Next week we will take a closer look at what Striving for Wholeness holds for you.

In the meantime,  here are some exercises:

1. What do you seek – perfection or wholeness? Examine closely and honestly your personality’s pursuit of perfection and the areas of life in which this pursuit takes place. 

2. What unconscious urgings might be behind your quest?
a. positive – Is there a fullness you are trying to share?
b. negative – Is there a hole you are trying to fill?

3. What motivates you to move forward?

Until next week!

Tammie

I have noticed that this past week with myself and others that the ego really struggles with being at ease with just molehills, it wants mountains.

Even if it is miserable, the ego doesn’t want to be just miserable; it wants to be extremely miserable and thinks that molehills should really be Mt Everest or Kilamanjaro!

People go on and on, creating big problems out of nothing. This week I took a good look at what I call a problem and when I really got down to the core of what I thought was the so called problem it was merely a symptom of fear.  I have not come across a real problem yet!

Is it possible all problems are bogus?  Is it possible we just create them? Because without problems we feel empty… then there is nothing to do, nothing to fight with, and nowhere to go.

I received a phone call from a friend this week and I was asked, “How are you?”  I said, “I am doing great!, How about you?” My friend couldn’t believe it, she kept probing, it was amazing I was witnessing a molehill being created out of nothing. I realized how and where I have done this in my life…..amazing breakthrough for me.  

The ego can exist only when it struggles. If I were to tell you the meaning of life is what you make it and all you had to do was be willing to smile and you will become enlightened, you probably will not believe me. You may say, ‘Smile’? There doesn’t seem to be much to that. How will I become enlightened by that? That doesn’t seem to be likely. But if I say to you, you will have to search, analyze, have pain and suffering, and probably struggle the rest of your life of course that looks more like it!

The greater the problem, the greater the challenge and with challenge your ego kicks in. Problems don’t really exist without your help in creating them.

What if I told you that there are not even molehills? Molehills are your greatest trick or treat ever. You may find yourself saying, ‘OK, there may not be mountains, but molehills?’

No, not even molehills are there, those are your creations too. First you create molehills out of nothing, then you create mountains out of molehills.

The real masters of life have been saying since the time of the Garden of Eden, ‘Please look what you are doing, what nonsense you are doing. First you create a problem, and then you go in search of a solution. Just watch why you are creating the problem, just exactly in the beginning, when you are creating the problem, the solution is just don’t create it!’ But that probably won’t be as appealing because now there is: Nothing to do? No drama? No chaos? No problem to solve? And you find yourself deeply restless, empty, trying to fill yourself with anything whatsoever.

You really don’t have any problems only this much needs to be understood. This very moment you can drop all problems because they are your creations.

Have another look at your problems: the deeper you look, the smaller they will appear. Consider looking at them and sooner than later they will start disappearing. As I looked at my so called problems this week I found there to be emptiness. Yet the emptiness that surrounded me was filled with peace, enlightenment, knowledge, understanding, and willingness to name a few.

Enlightenment is not something to be achieved it is just to be lived.—Unknown

It really is an easy decision to make.  To decide right now you are not interested in creating molehills.

All this nonsense is a game you are playing with yourself: you yourself are hiding and you yourself are seeking, you are both the parties. And you know it! Don’t make unnecessary trouble for yourself and others. Understanding will allow you if you watch how you make a problem bigger and bigger and bigger, how you spin it, and how you help the wheel to move faster and faster and faster. Then suddenly you are at the top of your misery and you are in need of the whole world’s sympathy.

So decide today if you are willing to consider not even creating a molehill? I am not even asking you to not create molehills, simply asking if you are willing to consider giving up the desire to create molehills.

Start living this moment and you will see that the more you live, the less problems there are.

Tammie Renfro

Appreciate and enjoy the little things!

When I began to write about appreciating life in my journal this week, I found myself reflecting on the lessons of my week last week and found this story:

 “Mountain Story 

 “A son and his father were walking on the mountains.

Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams:
“AAAhhhhhhhhhhh! !!”
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain:
“AAAhhhhhhhhhhh! !!”
Curious, he yells: “Who are you?”
He receives the answer: “Who are you?”
And then he screams to the mountain: “I admire you!”
The voice answers: “I admire you!”
Angered at the response, he screams: “Coward!”
He receives the answer: “Coward!”
He looks to his father and asks: “What’s going on?”
The father smiles and says: “My son, pay attention.”
Again the man screams: “You are a champion!”
The voice answers: “You are a champion!”
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: “People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE.
It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
If you want more compassion in your life, be compassionate.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
Life will give you back everything you have given to it.”

Reflection is one of the most powerful tools for success that we tend to not use enough.  Consider taking more time to reflect on what has been happening in your life and appreciate what you and others contribute to it. How does your life reflect you?

 “Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.”  – James Levin

 Just as the mountain story teaches us that our life is not a coincidence that it is a reflection of ourselves remember that if there is something you don’t like about it only you can  make the changes. What do you hear as the echo in your life?  Does your echo say you’re a coward or champion; jealous or trusting; unsympathetic or compassionate; judgmental or understanding?

 Consider to work on your life instead of in it. If you find yourself being critical of others remember that you are doing that to yourself.  Learn to appreciate your life and those individuals you have in it.  

 The word “appreciation” means to be thankful and express admiration, approval, or gratitude. It also means to grow or appreciate in value. As you appreciate life, you become more valuable—both to yourself and others.

–
Tammie Renfro

BreakThrough in Having Fun!

BreakThrough Blogcast – Episode 31 with Jaimes McNeal, creator and host of BreakThrough Blogcast, with first time co-host Tammie Renfro. Tammie is a wife and mother of three, a certified speaker, working in the business world while having fun making a difference in her community in a number of areas. Tammie is the newest contributor to BreakThrough Blog.

Roundtable guest: Casey Bazzell.

In this episode, Casey remembers a time in her childhood, and the painful memories associated with that time, that has her not trust herself as an adult. By looking at how she has compartmentalized herself for so many different people, the part of herself that she’s lost touch with is her inner child—which is a key to having fun. By no longer lying to herself, or others, about who she is, Casey can finally begin to become her true self, connecting with that child inside.

To listen to episode 31 click the play › button to the left below

You can listen and/or download this episode and all of the BreakThough Blogcast episodes on iTunes.

BreakThrough BlogCast is a virtual roundtable hosted every Monday from 6:00 pm – 7:00 pm CST by Jaimes McNeal, Co- Director and Featured Teacher in Breakthrough: A Conscious Documentary.

Each week, Jaimes and a Featured Guest Co-Host will embark on ExtraOrdinary Conversations with Ordinary People all about mastering life. With interaction from our Online Community, you will discover tools and real-life solutions to help you discover your greatest potential.

For information on how to listen to the blogcast live or participate as a co-host or roundtable guest please visit our BlogCast page

Remember when you were a kid and all you thought about was playing!  You had a keen sense to what was fun and what was not. 

A grownup is a child with layers on.  ~Woody Harrelson

I am often accused of being childish sometimes.  I prefer to interpret that as child-like.  I still get enthusiastic about little things.  I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish.  I swing on the swings. I climb on the monkey bars.  I still listen to instinctual urges.  I play with leaves.  I skip down the street and run against the wind.  It is in those moments I feel free.

Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do.  ~Jean de la Bruyere 

During this past weekend I had the opportunity to be reminded by several of my friend’s children how fun and simple life really is…. Ronin who is 2 was eating his pancakes.  In one hand he had his fork and eating his pancakes with his empty hand. He was covered in chocolate chip pancakes he was completely enjoying them.  Ronin communicated at that exact second when his brain decided I am done enjoying these pancakes. He was on to the next moment and what he wanted next was to play at the park. Ronin reminded me how simple it is to have fun and how communication will get you what you desire.

While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. ~Angela Schwindt 

Ahhh the laughter of 4 year old Ella, she is such a treat.  Ella has blonde hair big blue eyes and a smile that simply just creates a smile on your face instantly. She reminds me to laugh and to enjoy what is around me.  She inspires me to tap into my inner child.

Every child is an artist.  The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.  ~Pablo Picasso

Eleven year old Autumn reminds me to be creative, use my imagination and have fun with my friends. Autumn is always creating.

This got me thinking that life is pretty simple… we just simply have to eat, laugh and play. 

So what holds us back?

All growth involves saying good-bye to something and saying hello to new possibilities. But nowhere did we have to give up having fun.

Growth consists of transforming to one stage of development in order to be born to another stage of development.

At some point in becoming an adult you had to let go so you could become your own person, to really explore. What do I think? What are my values? What do I think life is about? What’s really important to me? What is fun?

One of the great challenges of growing up is to realize that if you’re now an adult, the only person who can give you what you want is you. Growing up means that you become your own parent you are responsible for you. It means that you feel love, understanding and compassion for the child you once were.

What too many people do is as adults they take the parent’s side against the child that is still inside you. You feel impatient and scornful of the child you once were. You’re as cruel or crueler to the child you once were more than your mother and father ever thought about being. You may say things like: I’m not good enough, I am too busy to have fun, I’m to old….or you worry about what others will think.

My childhood may be over, but that doesn’t mean playtime is.  ~Ron Olson

You have to re-embrace that child, and you have to have the courage to take that child’s side. Say to yourself, “A child is entitled to expect to be held and loved and caressed and nurtured. As a child I am worthy to cut myself a break and have some fun. You are not wrong to want those things. And it’s understandable that it really hurt when you didn’t get them. And I’m going to be here with you and for you forever, from this point on. –Love Me”

You want to enter into a real loving relationship with the child you once were and have some fun!  Life is too short!

In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Take a moment to explore your own feelings toward the child you once were and to wonder about the role your child-self might have in your life today.

Here are three things you can do immediately to connect with your inner child and realize more of your true potential.

First, think back to your childhood, and remember the events that had such an emotional impact on you. Accept them as a necessary part of growing up.

Second, have the courage to take the side of that child that you once were. Accept yourself fully and unconditionally, and don’t be so hard on yourself as an adult.

Third, you can simply eat your pancakes without a fork, laugh until your belly hurts, and use your creative imagination to play and by all means have fun!

My daughter and I on top of Pike's Peak. Thinking about the momentum it took for Zebulon Pike to climb this mountain.

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”– Anthony Robbins  

Answer these questions to find out.  

• If you have ever been in sales, is it easier to make a sale after you have established relationships with potential customers, or when you are just meeting them for the first time?
• If you’re a parent, is it easier to get your children to talk about something that’s bothering them, or to keep them talking once they open up?
• If you’re a student, is it easier to start writing a paper, or to keep writing once you are in flow?
• If you have ever tried to lose weight, was it easier to start the diet, or to stick to it once you started losing weight?

You know the answers:  You do better when you’re already in action.  Getting started is always the hardest part.  Momentum makes life better.  

Remember how momentum feels.  You feel powerful.  You feel great.  You feel confident.  You feel unstoppable.  And the beauty of momentum is that it is contagious.  When you achieve momentum in one area of your life, it is easier to achieve it in other areas of your life.  And when you experience momentum, the people around you benefit:  You give yourself, and everyone in your life, the best you have.  

It is amazing what fun you can have with a clown nose! One small change creates a momentum of fun!

Einstein said, “Objects at rest have no momentum.” So, think about everything that is important to you.  And ask yourself, “Am I moving?”  “What am I focused on?” “Am I living today with passion?”  

 Ask not what fun does for you but what you do for fun!– unknown  

The Beach Boys shared a song with the world about Good Vibrations.  The song pertains to a girl that gives off good vibrations that made him aware or notice the difference between good and bad vibrations. I like the song one because it is fun  it also carries a deeper meaning.  Just as he noticed his feelings when the girl was around him we can take a moment and notice when we are picking up good vibrations from people or if people are picking them up from us.  (Here is the link just for fun) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cY4_g7wNK8Q

“It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world. That should be our goal.”  — Dalai Lama

Sometimes we just need a little adjustment to our attitude and perspective approach each day.  By exercising this opportunity it can create a major difference in our appreciation of life. On the surface, nothing changes. At the same time, absolutely everything does.

One way to adjust our attitude is to be grateful.  Gratefulness allows us to create happiness and gives us the ability to see life’s purpose.

Well as you know all our lives we look for balance whether we are consciously looking or unconsciously looking.  We don’t stay in balance for very long. But what determines our happiness or peacefulness is our desire to seek balance.  When we stop seeking balance we experience the chaos of ourselves and the chaos in others. 

What we begin to notice is the “lack” of something.  The Law of attraction tells us to not focus and define our lack but to be grateful for what you have similar to focusing on what is more effective, when you focus on the abundance in your life, you automatically move yourself out of the lack mentality and thereby create a higher energy vibration, aka happiness. 

 When you focus instead on what is WRONG, or what you are not happy about, you will be putting yourself into a lack mentality and thereby you will be lowering your energy vibration aka: sadness.

As an alternative, when you find yourself dwelling on everything that is wrong, try instead to focus on what you are grateful for and you will automatically find yourself raising your vibration.

Sometimes that is easier said than done, but if you can start to notice the times when you are thinking about things in a negative way, and cause yourself to instead focus on something that you are grateful for you will begin to find it easier to think about the things that are good in your life!

When you realize that the beauty and joy surrounding you is inside of you as well, you are able to experience life in a whole new way. You are able to start living much more in the flow of your life. Once you begin experiencing life from that place of wonder, and connecting to the positive, your energy simply vibrates at a much higher level also known as Good Vibrations.  When you focus your attention on the positive you are happier and healthier and you find yourself handling everyday issues with more ease.

Use your awareness or your imagination to bring happiness to this moment. Find something to appreciate or be grateful for even if it is a penny you find on the ground outside the supermarket. Do this as often as you remember to do so and your world will transform.

” … we can no longer afford to throw away even one ‘unimportant’ day by not noticing the wonder of it all. We have to be willing to discover and then appreciate the authentic moments of happiness available to all of us every day.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

Tammie Renfro

I am a caring, compassionate, loving woman.