Continued from last week…

Have you ever been hit squarely in the nose with a really hard object? A stinging, throbbing pain radiates out like fireworks; in this case with Daniel’s blood.

Daniel came running off the court screaming. He looked up at me and declared, “I will NEVER play basketball again!” In fact, his declaration in that moment was made with a deeper level commitment than when he proudly wrote his name on the application to play.

I was at one of the parental forks in the road. There was a part of me that wanted nothing more than to swoop him up in my arms and protect him from the dangers of basketball, Ian’s lanky limbs and big head and every other danger known to man.

Little did I know that this would serve as a mere pittance of the brutalities Daniel would face on his journey later in life as an adolescent.

There is something deeply instinctual about wanting to protect my children that resides in the core of my being. It is reflexive and all encompassing when it’s triggered.

Another part of me knew that if I fanned the flame of Daniel’s fear and allowed him to quit, he would most likely walk away from that experience learning that it’s o.k. to give up. These two distinct parts within me were engaged in a full out war in that moment.

I looked down at Daniel’s bloody tear stained face and opened my mouth to speak. Even I didn’t know the words I was about to utter. “Honey, I know it hurts… reeaaaly bad. I know you’re scared, and in this moment, you don’t want to ever play basketball again.

“I also know that you made a commitment and that your team is counting on you.

“We’re going to go to the restroom, wash your face and get you all cleaned up. You can drink some water and take a little rest. And then, Honey, you are going go back in there and play, because, Daniel, I have faith in you.”

His red swollen face with puffy eyes looked up at me through the tears.  With his nose still bleeding, he opened his mouth (I suspect not knowing what words he was about to utter) and said, “O.K., Mommy.”

It was that simple.  He needed someone to believe in him.  He needed someone he trusted to see a bigger Truth and possibility than he could see in that moment. 

What messages would I have sent Daniel had I given into fear?  “Commitment is completely negotiable.  It’s o.k. to quit when things get hard.“ These are not messages I want to give anyone, least of all, my child. 

Daniel played every game in the season.  He hasn’t grown up to be a professional basketball player, but that was never the point.  He has grown up to be someone who is courageous enough to be authentic and walk the challenging journey of being a transgender youth in a culture that has a long way to go in it acceptance of this type of diversity.

To be continued…

When I picked Daniel up from Lucky Lane pre-school one day, he announced that he wanted to play basketball. Some of the boys in his class had signed up to play with one of the pee wee teams at the Y and somehow, they convinced Daniel to give it a whirl even though he had never liked sports; any sports.

I decided this was an opportunity to encourage Daniel’s new found enthusiasm for sports, but also wanted to seize the moment to teach a lesson about commitment. I think it’s in the fabric of parental DNA to cram as many lessons as possible into one experience. 

Daniel and I sat across from one another at the kitchen table. I explained that I would support him joining the team if he was willing to commit to participating in all of the practices and games and promise to stick with it for the entire season. He looked me in the eye and said with every ounce of sincere commitment a 4 year old can muster, “Yes, Mommy, yes. I will play in every game and go to every practice.” I was beaming as I stood up to give him a high five.

Daniel was pumped. I was proud.

He wrote his own name on the application. This was serious business.

His uniform arrived; a crimson burgundy color with bright white trim and the # 5. Daniel said, “Look how shiny it is. I think it’s made of silk!” Off we went to purchase a brand new pair of bright white sneakers to go with his uniform.

It was hard for Daniel to contain his excitement as we drove to his first practice. He ran on to the court upon arrival to join the other boys. The coach’s mission that day was to teach a few drills that would result in the boys learning how to move the ball down the court as a team; dribbling, stopping and quickly passing the ball to another boy so they wouldn’t be charged with “traveling” in the game.

The boys practiced dribbling first. They wound up spending more time chasing balls that bounced off their feet or each other than actually dribbling. Now it was time for passing. This was similar enough to playing catch with mom and dad that they did pretty well when standing still. They were feeling confident. The coach decided they were ready to combine dribbling and passing.

Unbridled enthusiasm combined with the physical clumsiness that accompanies being 4 results in an interesting amalgamation. Andrew got the ball and passed it to Kevin without taking any steps. The coach yelled, “Move the ball down the court and then pass it.” Kevin dribbled the ball in place and shot it to Ian.

Ian was long and lean with a build like Gumby. He started dribbling the ball down the court, which was an interesting sight to behold in and of itself. After managing to move the ball a good six feet down the court, the coach yelled, “Ian, Pass the ball!”

Ian prepared to pass the ball to Daniel, who was a mere 3 – 4 feet away. Ian raised the ball over his head with both arms fully extended. Four year olds do not throw with incredible precision. Ian somehow seemed aware of this reality. In his effort to compensate for the inevitable lack of precision, Ian reached his fully extended arms way behind his head in an effort to provide greater force at the moment of launch.

Ian’s calculations, however, did not include another universal truth about the physics of 4 yr. old bodies. Their heads are unusually large. This meant Ian was essentially a top heavy Gumby, which didn’t provide the greatest foundation for balance.

Ian thrust the ball with all his might. By the time his hands released the ball, Daniel was 2 feet away at most. The ball hit Daniel squarely in the nose and blood started spewing everywhere… on his new bright white sneakers, down the front of the uniform, on the basketball court; everywhere.

To be continued…

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Amazing really is the best word to describe my daughter, Grace, who turned 11 on 3-11. She boarded a bus at 5:50 a.m. today headed to Space Camp in Huntsville, AL, where she will convene with kids from Nigeria and Puerto Rico. Since she is one quarter Puerto Rican herself this will be a wonderful opportunity to explore an aspect of her roots while learning about space, teambuilding and dormitory living.

When I asked her how she felt this morning before getting on the bus to Space Camp, she said, “Like I’m going away to college 8 years early.” She said, “I know we’ll miss each other, but we’ll be o.k.”

When was the last time you took an adventure that required courage and stepping out of your comfort zone? What did you experience? What did you learn?  When will your next adventure be? What are you waiting for?

 Grace is a big ol’ love sponge. She adores snuggling with me and her two cats, Whiskers and Smokey. She will regularly grab me and squeeze me tight, moaning, “Hoooooold me.” Grace is an authentic snugglebug. She absorbs as much love as she can possibly can, making audible sounds; lots of oohs and ahhhs that let me know she’s completely present to the experience of basking in my love. Some of her sounds actually form words I can comprehend, like, “Awwww,” I love you so much.” My love sponge is always full when I’m with Grace.

The beauty of Grace’s love sponge is that she oozes out as much love as she soaks up. She showers love upon her cats and other animals, the environment and anyone she meets who is an underdog. 

Where do you receive the most love? Where, when and how are you expressing love in the world? How might you increase the absorption capacity of your Love Sponge? And where might you squeeze a little more love on others?

We encountered a homeless woman while visiting Chicago when Grace was 7. Grace asked me how someone could be homeless. “Where is her mom? Where is her dad? Where are her friends?” She was deeply concerned about this woman she’d never met before. “I want to give her all of my savings so she can eat and find a place to live.” Grace’s life savings at the time was a grand total of $32.58. I acknowledged her generosity and explained that it would take more money than that for the woman to find a place to live. Grace responded by asking, “Can we bring her home to St. Louis to live with us? I will share my bedroom with her. She can even have the top bunk.” Grace definitely has a generous spirit.

Where are you modeling generosity in your life right now? It seems more challenging to give generously in a down economy, and yet it’s more important than ever because more people need our help now. What is a cause or a person you could be generous with today?  Choose someone or something you feel good about supporting.

I chose to make a donation at http://showmenohate.blogspot.com/2008/11/why-marriage.html  this afternoon. My dear friend Scott, and his husband Ed, have taken three bus loads of same-sex couples from MO to IA to be married. I want to support Scott’s efforts, along with these couples’ dreams to publicly declare their love and commitment to one another and have their union be recognized legally. 

One of the qualities I admire most about Grace is her ability to speak her truth. She says what is on her mind with an honesty that is refreshing.
I remember dating a man she didn’t like very much a couple of years ago. He was arriving one evening to pick me up and when Grace opened the front door, she said, “Oh, it’s you!” and slammed the door shut. She’s not one to pull any punches.

Grace has initiated many a conversation with me by approaching me and saying, “Mom, we need to talk.” I’ve heard about my hypocrisy when I’ve insisted she always wear her seatbelt when I haven’t worn one on occasion. I’ve been informed that I should not store anything in her closet that doesn’t belong to her, and that if it’s necessary for me to do so, then I simply have too much clutter. I’ve heard the reminders about turning the water off when I brush my teeth. And yet she can be as sweet as she can be blunt.

Where and with whom are you speaking your truth with candor and clarity? Where and with whom are you withholding your thoughts, feelings and opinions? I invite you to stand in your truth and engage in a conversation you’ve been avoiding. What is you want to communicate? How will it serve you and others for you to reveal what you are thinking and feeling? How might you speak with clarity and love?

I look forward to sharing about Grace’s adventures at Space Camp in next week’s blog. In the meantime, I invite you to share your comments, insights and questions. This week, I’m especially interested in hearing about:
• Your adventures
• Ways you are giving and receiving more love
• Courageous conversations you intitiate
• The greatest lessons you’ve learned from your children

With Love & Light,
Toni

Like a boomerang, my two year old son would venture out into the world and then quickly return to hug my thigh, making certain I was still there. I was his anchor; the place he would come to feel safe as he explored new expanding boundaries.

At 16, more time passes between his returns to me. Individuation is both healthy and necessary and yet it can feel uncomfortable and a little bit scary. It’s exhilarating, and at the same time, I feel pangs of sadness in some moments.

My son was born Daniel Evan Carlson. If you visit his Facebook page today, you will see his profile is listed as Daniel Yuki Carlson. He is in transition; from adolescence to young adulthood, from male to gender free, and possibly, ultimately, to female.

Do we ever love anyone more than our children? We invest so very much in them: our heart and soul, hopes and dreams, countless hours – and lots of money.

Parenting has been a journey that has brought out my very best and my very worst. I’ve known no greater joy or sadness than I’ve lived through some of the twists and turns of being a parent.

I have felt vulnerable, proud, fulfilled, hurt, protective, sad, angry and even rageful. Very few things in life can trigger core emotional responses in me like my children can; I have discovered parts of me I never knew existed before giving birth.

I remember being in the ER the night Yuki attempted suicide and his 10 year old sister asking me if he was going to die. “I don’t know,” I answered, crying. We were very lucky that he survived the overdose of ambien he took that night. I felt so helpless as I watched the medical team work to flush out the drugs to save Yuki’s life, while Yuki fought to die, pulling out the IV and resisting treatment in whatever creative ways he could think of.

I completely understand why someone like Yuki would want to check out. The confusion and stress that accompanies adolescence is challenging enough. Add the gender identity questions and the intensity becomes unfathomable to most of us.

After 3 hospitalizations in less than 3 months, Yuki is living with Dad for awhile. His father and I offer Yuki different gifts. While Yuki and I are kindred spirits and have emotional and spiritual intimacy, Dad offers structure and consistency that simply isn’t part of my DNA. As in Maslow’s hierarchy, survival must come first.

So, for now, I must open my arms and let my child go as he navigates this bend in the journey of his life. I am trusting the boomerang principle will apply and he will return again, when the time is right and we are both ready. In the meantime, I am still here, loving him as much as ever. I am holding my place as that anchor, but now, with a much longer line. This requires a whole lot of trust on both of our parts.

The question I contemplate today is how might I bring out the very best in me as a parent while bringing out the very best in my child, through my parenting. Some moments I feel I am on course. In other moments I lose my way, getting caught up in how I wish things could be vs. honoring and navigating how they are actually unfolding.

Where in your life are you:

• Wanting/or needing to let go of someone or something in your life?
• Bringing out the best in you while bringing out the best in others?
• Wishing something was different vs. honoring what is?
• Navigating with grace and ease an unexpected twist or turn?

As always, I welcome your comments, insights and questions.

With Love and Light,
Toni

Imagine feeling like you were born in the wrong body; inside you felt like a different gender than what your body shows on the outside.

This has been my son’s experience for as long as he can remember. He has a vivid recollection of looking in the mirror when he was 4 and realizing that the image he saw did not match how he felt inside.

In last week’s blog I wrote about my son, Daniel, who has embarked on an interesting journey of gender exploration. He believes the body you arrive in should not be the determining factor of who you are. He doesn’t buy in to a forced binary system of someone being male or female; he sees gender as more of a continuum.

Daniel has always danced to the beat of his own drum; his quest has always been being true to himself; being authentic. This became evident even when he was a toddler. Most young children will ask why they are being asked to do something. Daniel always took it a step further, questioning whether a request was reason enough to do what he was being asked to do, and frankly, whether or not he really wanted to do what was being asked.

Living life as a question has continued. Today Daniel’s questions revolve around who he is, what he believes, why things are the way they are, and what gender he most identifies with. The first step in his journey was to begin thinking of himself as gender free. As he allowed himself the space to transcend the physical body he entered this world in, he opened up to new possibilities of discovering who he is on the inside. Over time, he has realized that in many ways, he identifies more with being female than male.

Part of Daniel’s new beginning involved choosing a name that more accurately represents who/how zie is inside. (In last week’s blog I presented the preferred pronouns of people who are gender free: Zie instead of he or she; Hir instead of him or her.) Daniel’s chosen name is Yuki; a name used by both genders, but most often by females. It means blessing;snow in Japanese.

This makes perfect sense because Yuki has always been intrigued with the Japanese culture, language and art. And if you read last weeks’ blog you know that zie loves ice. Zie knows how to write Yuki using the Japanese alphabet; as usual, always going for full authenticity.

A more recent aspect of Yuki’s journey has been speaking at local universities. Zie is committed to helping teachers, counselors and school administrators understand the opportunity they have to make a bigger positive difference in the lives of kids by accepting and honoring all forms of diversity. Yuki asks them to be accepting of LGBT youth and to intervene when kids are ridiculed and bullied for simply being themselves.

One of the teachers wrote the following letter to her professor following Yuki’s visit to their class.

“Yuki was truly inspiring. Hir courage and openness was a breath of fresh air. I’m sure so many children are just hiding what they really feel inside in order to just live a “normal” life as their family had planned for them. It takes someone with real courage to step up and be so open. In return for that, Yuki gets to live a freeing life. A life that zie really feels is hir own, and that is so important. I really applaud both Yuki and hir mom for speaking with us. From that experience, I learned so much more about the differences people have, and it opened up a new accepting and understanding place in my own heart.”

Yuki is also an ongoing source of inspiration for me, and hopefully for you, too.

• Do you have the courage to ask ourselves and the world around us the tough questions?
• Are you willing to speak your truth?
• How authentically are you living your own life?
• Are you accepting of people walking different paths? And are you willing to move beyond tolerance to honoring those different paths?
• In what ways might you use your greatest pain as a catalyst to help others grow?

Yuki’s path also represents new beginnings for me as his mother. I will be sharing that in next week’s blog.

In the meantime, I hope you will join me on this week’s blogcast on with Jaimes McNeal and roundtable guest Debbie Volmert as we kick off March’s discussion topic:

Breakthrough in Leaping into the Future.

Monday, March 1st from 6:00 – 7:00 p.m.

Call 712-432-8282, enter conference number: 030110, then #

And, as always, I welcome your comments on this week’s blog.

Love & Light,

Toni

His eyes seemed to say, “Thank you. I love you. I’m so happy we chose each other,” as my 3 week old infant looked up at me while nursing at my breast. As I gazed into his big blue eyes, I felt a magnitude of love I had never before experienced. It was all encompassing – eyeball to eye ball; heart to heart. He was of me and at the same time, he was still part of me. On the outside now, but still within.

Words simply cannot describe the intensity of the connection. I remember noticing that the love I felt for my husband paled in comparison. It scared me. I thought I knew what love was and this was so much bigger, and what was this awareness telling me about my marriage?

As Daniel nursed, he was so present, so content, so trusting, so pure. I remember imagining what his life journey would be. What his interests would be, what subjects he would excel in, what kind of woman he would choose, what kind of father he might be some day…

He seemed like such an old soul, even as an infant. He began meditating at a very early age. I remember driving him to pre-school and asking him a question about his best friend, Meghan Maloney. I heard his little voice from the backseat respond, “Mom, please be quiet. I’m meditating.”

He invented his own religion at age 8, called “Churtuglvirda.” Within it was a complicated classification system whereby Daniel could determine which element best expressed someone’s personality style (fire, ice, wind, etc.) He is ice; I am fire. To this day, his email address is Icy.

I remember when he saw the movie, “Indigo Kids”, he turned to me and said, “Now I know what my problem is with the rest of the world. They are dimensionally challenged.”

A few years ago when Daniel turned 13 I was checking my e-mail late one night. As I was skimming my e-mail inbox, I noticed an e-mail from Icy. In the subject line, I read the words, “Very Important.”

“Dear Mom,
I have given this a lot of thought and done extensive research. I want to become gender free.” My heart skipped a beat. Life as I had known it, and had always imagined it. was about to change, forever.

His e-mail went on to talk about surgeries, medications, etc. When Daniel researches something, he’s very thorough.

Have you ever felt grateful you received some important information in an e-mail vs. in person? I’m not sure I might have responded in the moment had he been standing before me. I was grateful I could reflect that night and choose my response.

I wrote back, “First and foremost, I am so grateful you are willing to share whatever is up for you.” I’m 100% committed to learning with you and exploring options together.”

We have been on an interesting journey ever since, learning about new pronouns for example, “Zie instead of he or she; Hir instead of him or her. My enlightened child has opened so many new doors for me. Zie does not choose to buy in or participate in a forced binary system of male or female. Zie stands in hir truth. Tune in to the Breakthrough blogcast on Monday, March 1st to learn more about our journey.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

On a day we associate with expressing love, in a month where the theme of our Breakthrough Blog is loving relationships, I am consciously choosing God as my Valentine.

If you happen to struggle with the word “God”, please insert whatever word works best for you to describe that which is your Source: Higher Power, the Divine, Spirit, Infinite Intelligence, Allah, Yahweh, Love…

I have always been a seeker. I was raised Catholic, dabbled in Buddhism, Judaism, was baptized in a holy and sanctified Baptist church, chanted Hare Krishna, and attended revivals as a Jesus Freak in my teens. For the past 30 years I have studied metaphysics, where my beliefs most closely align with the New Thought movement. I am most intrigued with what most of the world’s religions have in common:

God is omnipresent: God is everywhere; in all situations and people, including you and me. I have always appreciated the metaphor of the ocean when thinking about my connection to God. If God is the ocean and I am a wave; I am of God, but God is more than me. Like a wave in the ocean, I am a unique expression of God. There is oneness and uniqueness in the same instant.

Faith: Believing that there is something beyond me working for my Highest Good. For me, it’s trusting that Divine Order is unfolding no matter how things appear from my limited human perspective.

Prayer/Meditation: Conscious awareness of my connection with God; tuning in to my Source, calming my mind, listening for guidance, and opening my heart. When I pray I think of God as expressing in, through, around and as me. If God is omnipresent, then God is expressing through every person and situation. I love the concept, “Everywhere I look I see the face of God,” and am committed to practicing this perspective as much as I can.

Character Development: As I strive to become the best version of who I can be, I become more aware of the ripples I create with my words and deeds and want to treat others with greater respect and kindness.

Love and Compassion: Learning to respond to whatever shows up with love and compassion; seeking to understand why people do what they do, based upon who they are. This also paves the way for forgiveness.

I remember when I worked at St. Louis State Hospital with the forensic (court committed) population. One of the women incarcerated there was a clear example of someone having positive intentions, even when she committed a heinous crime. I will call her Jane to protect her identity. Jane was raised by religious fundamentalists who taught her from an early age that homosexuality was evil. When she grew up and married she gave birth to a son, who I will refer to as John. He was her only child and she cherished her baby boy.

When John was 17 he became friends with an older man where he worked who happened to be gay (I’ll refer to him as Frank.) This frightened Jane because of her beliefs. She learned that being gay was a sin from both of her parents and the church she attended throughout her childhood. She forbid John to spend time with Frank. Like many 17 year olds, John rebelled and did not come home after work one night.

Jane waited as the hours passed, worrying, pacing, crying, terrified that her son might follow in Frank’s footsteps. Finally, at 6 a.m. Jane heard a car pull up in the driveway. It was Frank’s car and as John exited the vehicle, it seemed to Jane that her worst fears were being realized. When John came into the house she called him down to the basement and shot and killed him.

O.K., now breathe… I know this is a hard story to read. It is very difficult to fathom a mother killing her own child.

If I had just heard the facts about a woman murdering her son, I could easily judge her for committing such a heinous act. However, as I came to know Jane, I was blown away by what a loving woman she was. Does this excuse what she did? No, but I came to see that underneath her behavior, she had a positive intention; she was attempting to save her only child. Jane believed she was saving her son from a fate far worse than death; to burn in hell for eternity. In fact, she was willing to sacrifice her own freedom to do this because she loved him so much.

Do I agree with or condone Jane’s actions? Absolutely not. Do I understand why she did what she did, given who she is and what her beliefs were. Yes, I do.

Friends and family used to ask if my opinion of the human race deteriorated working with the forensic population on a daily basis. It actually had the reverse effect and served as a gift that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I learned that people almost always have a core positive intention when they act. Time and time again, as I came to know someone and their world view, I came to see how and why they made the choices they made. Again, it doesn’t excuse their actions; but I came to understand them and their choices through love and compassion.

I have always loved the greeting, “Namaste,” which means, “All that is best and highest in me greets/salutes all that is best and highest in you.”

What would/could it look like if we went out into the world with this intention? Or, even carried this to the very next room in our homes with our families?

I have a 16 year old son who is going through a very difficult phase in his journey. This causes him to behave in ways where it’s easy for me to momentarily lose sight of the very best in him, and in those moments, I find it challenging to always respond to him from the very best within me.

How might you bring the very best of you to your interactions with your spouse/partner, children, neighbors, co-workers, customers and boss?

The biggest challenge is practicing this with the people it’s hardest for us to love - perhaps an ex-spouse, the perpetrator of sexual abuse, or anyone who commits a heinous crime. I recognize this is a stretch. And yet, it is grist for the spiritual mill.

The people who seem to deserve our love the least are usually those who need it the most.

If we truly embrace the concept that God is omnipresent, then everyone we meet really is the face of God.

So, as I choose God as my Valentine, I am also choosing YOU.

I want to love each of you as unconditionally and respectfully as I can.

I invite you to walk this path with me and welcome your comments about what you discover.

With Love & Light,

Toni, aka Your Valentine

Imagine gazing into the eyes of the person it is easiest for you to love unconditionally… Perhaps it is your spouse, partner, a child or a dear friend. Notice your experience as you look at this one you love so deeply, this one you cherish, this one you nurture, protect and are so generous with. Are you feeling appreciation? Awe? Warmth? Connection?

As you imagined this person you love so unconditionally, were you looking in a mirror? Why does it sometimes seem easier to express love to others than to ourselves?

Ricki Byars Beckwith wrote a song, “I Love Myself So Much.” The lyrics offer great wisdom, “I love myself so much that I can love you so much; that you can love you so much, that you can start loving me.” I know in my own life, it is much easier to express love freely to others when my cup runneth over with self love first. The more I nurture and care for myself, the greater my capacity is to do the same for those around me.

Every time I lose me in the shuffle of life’s busy-ness, and take shortcuts with my self-care, I notice the risk is much higher for me to feel irritable and to start giving to others conditionally, with strings attached. Some part of me starts keeping score on who around me is giving less than I am. I start feeling resentful and angry. I focus more on judging than honoring others – even those I know I love deeply. I feel separation rather than oneness. This is the antithesis of unconditional love.

In one of my darkest hours many years ago, I remember crying for what seemed like an eternity. I was feeling a soul level despair following an abortion and the ending of a long-term relationship with a man I believed was my soul mate. Have you ever cried until it seemed there were no tears left to shed? This was such a night for me.

I remember walking from room to room in the small apartment where I lived, flinging myself across the couch and sobbing, then going to the bedroom and dropping to my knees on the floor. I must have gone through an entire box of kleenex.

I ultimately wound up in the bathroom at the sink. As I raised my head to look in the mirror, I saw a woman in deep despair. My face was red and swollen. My eyelids were so puffy my eyes were mere slits. My hair was a mess from all the tears and flailing around on my bed.

Somehow, in that moment, the woman in the mirror seemed so foreign and distant. Some part of me that witnessed her felt sympathy, but also felt completely helpless to ease her pain and suffering. My heart went out to her. I so wanted her to know I cared. I suddenly remembered an exercise Jack Canfield assigned in a workshop a few years earlier. He had asked me to look in a mirror and say, “I love you,” to myself.

I invite you to find a mirror right now, or to remember and practice this exercise the next time you are in front of a mirror. Make eye contact with yourself. See yourself from a place of curiosity, noticing details you wouldn’t ordinarily see. Take your time. Notice how you feel about yourself. Notice the things you most appreciate and cherish about you. And then, when you are ready, say out loud, “I love you.” Say it slowly, at least 5 times – until you experience the quality of unconditional love you felt when I asked you to identify someone you love deeply. And, if feeling unconditional love for yourself seems unattainable for any reason, love yourself unconditionally enough to simply notice that, and make an appointment to return the next day to meet yourself again in the mirror.

I invite you to practice this daily for 30 days with the intention to fall in love with you over and over again. Do you realize your magnificence? Do you cherish your unique gifts and talents? Are you there for yourself through thick and thin?

Here are some other great ways to deepen your self-love.

1. List at least 50 things you (and others) love, appreciate and admire about you and post it somewhere you can read it often. Ask people to tell you if you don’t know what they would say.

2. Listen to your favorite love songs and sing them to yourself. e.g., You Are So Beautiful To Me, I Will Always Love You, The Greatest Love Of All, I’ll Be There, Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, I Just Called to Say I Love You, and so many more.

3. Make a list of ways you like to nurture and love yourself. (e.g., getting a massage, taking a bubble bath, preparing a special meal and eating by candlelight, journaling, etc.)

4. Schedule at least 2 special dates with yourself over the next two weeks.

5. Become your own best valentine.

“Don’t forget to love yourself.” – Soren Kierkegaard

Because the greatest love of all is you loving you.

I would love to hear about your experiences. Know I am unconditionally loving you as I write this, gazing into your eyes through the words you are reading, seeing you and knowing just how loveable you are.

With Love & Light,
Toni